Buzz Ballad: My Wife Needs So Many Things

—apologies to Rodgers & Hammerstein, and “My Favorite Things“

Celebrity chef meals and home spa massages
Sycophants to make up her entourages
Garish designer clothes covered in bling
Why is it my wife needs so many things?

A slavish press corps claiming that her grimaces
Display one of the world’s most lovely faces
The obedience that from fat children she wrings
Why is it my wife needs so many things?

Though she has got no formal occupation
Each few weeks she takes a lavish vacation
Yes, she has got her eyes on the cha-ching;
Why is it my wife needs so many things?

Late at night when
She wakes up and
Inward turns her eyes
She confronts the empty void where her soul should be
And resolves to super-Versailles!