Those poor, beleaguered Democrats were wandering through the political wilderness, desperately searching for a savior — someone who’d rescue them from the clutches of the Maga Monster rampaging through D.C. The stakes couldn’t be higher: The Democrats’ approval rating is in the toilet, they’re out of power (in all three branches, too!), and they’re about as popular in Flyover Country as a colon polyp. The Trump Train has run roughshod over everything they cherish: My God, man! The Republicans even went after government waste! (Gasp!) Is NOTHING sacred?!
You wanna talk utterly unhinged, mind-melting discombobulation? Consider this: The Democrats are burning down electric vehicles, siding with China in a trade war, and demanding the prompt return of foreign gangbangers. (That’s probably not a winning platform for a political revival.)
Times are crazy.
But don’t fret: The Democrats have an ace up their sleave. A man they call “The Big Guy.”
Joe Biden is back!
Making his first comments since blanket-pardoning his whole family and getting booted out of the White House, the ex-president spoke this evening to the national conference of Advocates, Counselors and Representatives for the Disabled. And… the crowd erupted in wild, passionate, rapturous indifference.
“I’m shocked that he is speaking at nighttime,” White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt told reporters beforehand. “I thought his bedtime was much earlier than his speech tonight.”
Bedtime or not, the Democrats were pleading for The Big Guy’s divine intervention. “This is an all hands on deck moment, which is why President Biden’s voice in this moment is so important,” explained Democratic House leader Hakeem Jeffries. (And he said it with a straight face, too.)
The lead-up to Biden’s speech was exactly what you thought it would be: Plenty of accolades for the “greatest economy” and “greatest recovery in American history.” No shortage of grandiose claims and/or delusional thinking. Clearly, the Democrats are hoping to convince the American people that the Biden years weren’t a time of runaway inflation, stagnant wages, and unaffordable housing, but a magical, long-lost Gilded Age.
Yeah, good luck with that.
As Joe Biden Roomba’d to the podium, it was readily apparent that he hadn’t discovered the Fountain of Youth from his couch in Delaware. The same man whom the Democrats insisted was “as sharp as a tack” and could easily handle the rigors of the presidency for another four years (or more!) was scarcely able to walk without assistance.
He looked every bit his 82 years.
Biden’s movements, speech, and mannerisms were slow and disjointed. He’d switch from a raspy, creepy, unintelligible whisper to randomly shouting, leaning his frail body onto the podium for extra support. When he stopped to pause, he’d leave his mouth agape like it was a broken garage door.
“[In] fewer than 100 days, this new administration has done so much damage and so much destruction,” President Biden declared. “It’s kind of breathtaking. They’ve taken a hatchet to the Social Security administration.”
For a very long time, it was the political norm in America for ex-presidents to stay apolitical. Take George W. Bush, for instance: After leaving office, he still supported charities and/or nonpartisan causes, but he deliberately sought an apolitical path. You never heard George W. Bush attacking President Obama.
Biden, of course, isn’t built that way.
“A Ponzi scheme? What the hell are you talking about?” Biden bellowed. “They want to wreck it so they can rob it!”
Sigh. If only those guys at DOGE had the impeccable moral fiber of someone like Hunter Biden, the world would be a safer place.
Mercifully, his speech wasn’t too long.
“God bless you all and may God protect our troops!” shouted Biden at the end of his address to a room full of Social Security wonks. (And then, realizing that maybe this wasn’t the right time for a military shout-out, he followed it with “Thank, I mean… for what you do.”)
Then, just like that, “one of the most consequential presidents in American history” gingerly hobbled off the stage, Roomba’d around a little, and vanished behind the velvet curtain. There were no questions allowed.
Some things never change.
Meanwhile today, President Trump did something other than just talk about Social Security: He signed a Presidential Memorandum that stops illegal aliens from obtaining Social Security Act benefits.
Hopefully, Trump won’t change either.
One Last Thing: The Democrats are on the ropes, but make no mistake: The donkeys are still dangerous. 2025 will either go down in history as the year we finally Made America Great Again — or the year it all slipped through our fingers. We need your help to succeed! As a VIP member, you’ll receive exclusive access to all our family of sites (PJ Media, Townhall, RedState, twitchy, Hot Air, Bearing Arms): More stories, more videos, more content, more fun, more conservatism, more EVERYTHING! And if you CLICK HERE and use the promo code FIGHT you’ll receive a Trumpian 60% discount!
Thank you for your consideration!
Join the conversation as a VIP Member