France Demands America: ‘Give Us Back the Statue of Liberty!’

Sebastien Nogier, Pool via AP

Sacré bleu! Talk about a Napoleon complex.

Some stories don’t require a lengthy set-up. They speak for themselves (and today, they’re parlez-vous-ing exclusively in French):

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France should take back the Statue of Liberty because the US no longer represents the values that led France to offer the statue, a French Euro-deputy said Sunday.

"Give us back the Statue of Liberty", centre-left politician Raphael Glucksmann said at a convention of his Place Publique centre-left movement.

 "We're going to say to the Americans who have chosen to side with the tyrants, to the Americans who fired researchers for demanding scientific freedom: 'Give us back the Statue of Liberty,'" he told cheering supporters.

"'We gave it to you as a gift, but apparently you despise it. So it will be just fine here at home,'" he added.

Politico was quick to link Glucksmann’s speech to Trump’s Ukraine policy:

The French MEPs comments are likely in reference to a decision by Washington to pause aid to Ukraine, which it had been helping to fight off a Russian invasion.

While aid is now flowing to Kyiv once again, U.S. President Donald Trump’s perceived softness on Russia, his long-documented admiration for President Vladimir Putin and other strongman leaders, and his public humiliation of Ukrainian Prime Minister Voldymyr Zelenskyy have caused alarm throughout Europe.

If you’re wondering why this French politician is taking American foreign policy decisions so personally, there may be a personal reason: His ex-wife, Ekaterine “Eka” Zguladze, was a Ukrainian politician who served as Ukraine’s First Deputy of Internal Affairs until 2016. Their son is a teenager.

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Which might explain Glucksmann’s vitriolic reaction — and his insistence on an American war guarantee. (And Glucksmann, by the way, still has an active LinkedIn account. I guess he’s open to future business opportunities?)

This French politician deeply, passionately cares about the Ukraine-Russia conflict but just not enough to send his own son into combat — and not enough to support a ceasefire. Instead, he’s perfectly content to stick with the status quo.

Because the status quo is in the national interest of the French government: Dulling Russian knives over Ukrainian bodies and depleting the Red Army’s munitions makes France a (marginally) safer country. Sure, 1.5 million Russians and Ukrainians have already died — and the sovereignty of Ukraine teeters in the balance — but at least Paris is safe tonight.

The Washington Examiner framed the story thusly:

Raphael Glucksmann, a socialist and member of France’s left-wing Place Publique party, made the demand while delivering a speech during his party’s convention, according to reports. He accused the U.S. of siding with tyrants, claiming that doing so goes against the spirit of the Statue of Liberty. As such, he believes the country has changed its values and is no longer worthy of the monument. [emphasis added]

Presumably, Glucksmann gave his speech in French. And the reason it wasn’t orated in, say, GERMAN was because of the United States of America. A lot of Americans died on the beaches of Normandy. Meanwhile, Vichy France actually supplied Germany with more munitions (and other resources) than any other Nazi-occupied country. By some estimates, 42% of all German revenue came from France. 

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Despite Hollywood’s mythology of the brave, fearless “French Resistance,” the truth is far different: An awful lot of Frenchmen were absolutely delighted to cooperate with Hitler. They couldn’t wait to round up thousands upon thousands of Jewish children for the Holocaust.

So a simple merci beaucoup would be nice. (And the next time you wanna accuse someone of “siding with tyrants,” be a little more self-aware.)

By the way, the Eiffel Tower sucks. It looks like a (rejected) first draft from a C- student. A five-year-old could build something better with Tinkertoys! But if France really, truly wants the Statue of Liberty back, maybe we can cut a deal:

We’ll send one section of her body back to Paris: Her middle finger. And then we’ll stick Lady Liberty’s middle finger on the top of your lousy, stupid, overrated Eiffel Tower.

Au revoir, ingrates.

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