It’s one of the most successful ad campaigns in American history. It began in the 1970s, ran through the 1980s, and has been parodied ever since. I’m speaking, of course, of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
Here’s an adorable commercial from 1972… that literally features a small child taking candy from a stranger:
If you’re Gen X or older, you know Reese’s routine: Some hip young guy is strutting down the street, snacking from a jar of peanut butter (which happened all the time in the 1970s). Coming the other way is a cute girl with a chocolate bar. Neither is paying attention — and then, WHAM!
The chocolate bar thus violates the peanut butter, triggering a rom-com moment that’s vastly superior to the last 50 gazillion Hallmark Channel Christmas movies.
“You got chocolate on my peanut butter!”
“You got peanut butter on my chocolate!”
They instantly fall in love and a beautiful romance begins. Presumably, everyone lived happily ever after (until they died of diabetes and all their teeth fell out).
For reasons I don’t fully understand, these commercials would often include a creepy old dude lurking in the background, who takes a perverse interest in the choco-peanut liaisons of the youth. Check out the old weirdo in the apron:
Still, the central conceit of the campaign is the beauty of combinations. Sometimes, one plus one equals three, four, five, or six: You’re stronger together than you are apart.
Chocolate is great; peanut butter is great; but together, they’re even better.
Lots of marriages work this way, especially financially. In an ideal world, so does the business you own — because, when the whole is less than the sum of its parts, it means you’re overpaying for talent.
It’s an inefficient business model.
Today in the Middle East, there are two potential combinations: The Palestinian people… and all that empty land in Syria. The Palestinian people need a country. Syria doesn’t have one anymore.
“You got Palestinians in my Syria!”
“You got Syria on my Palestinians!”
Why not put these two great tastes together — and make the new Palestinian homeland in Syria?
Jordan and Egypt won’t allow the Palestinians in, because the last time they did, they tried to overthrow the government. Well, good news: In Syria, the government’s already been overthrown!
It’s perfect.
Plus, with all those bombs and missiles that’ve exploded, there are probably lots of large holes in the ground. That would make it easier for the Palestinians to build those underground tunnels they’re so fond of: Most of the digging’s already been done.
The Jewish population in Syria is basically zero — and since we all know it’s those pesky Jews’ fault that the Palestinians haven’t been successful (ask any Democrat under the age of 40 and they’ll tell you), in Jew-free Syria, the Palestinians will surely create an ultra-successful modern economy, replete with all kinds of well-paying, hi-tech jobs.
Why, within a few years, thousands of Americans will be begging to work in the Syrian tech sector.
Think of all the tourism possibilities: They could counterprogram Octoberfest with Jihad January. Or counter Pamplona’s Running of the Bulls with the Running of the Tanks.
Fun for the who family! (No beepers allowed.)
Maybe our U.S.-based “Queers for Palestine” members will relocate to Syria and run their diversity training seminars. I’m sure the Palestinians would be highly appreciative. (They seem very receptive to new ideas.)
So move the Palestinians to Syria, give ‘em a new homeland, and let’s FINALLY bring peace to the Middle East!
Once again, candy shows us the way. After all, if it can bring construction workers and white collar nerds together, who knows what else it can do:
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