England's Labor Party Prime Minister, Keir Starmer, is doing something about the serious problem of attacks on innocent people by ninjas.
OK, to be accurate, it's attacks on innocent people by thugs wielding ninja swords.
But wait, that's not very accurate either. There has been exactly one attack on someone in Great Britain by an attacker wielding a ninja sword, and it happened in 2022.
Starmer is fulfilling a campaign promise to ban knives. He sounds quite proud of himself, as if he actually did something useful.
Knife crime is at epidemic levels and is ruining lives across Britain.
— Keir Starmer (@Keir_Starmer) January 24, 2024
As Prime Minister, I'll crack down on sales of these lethal weapons once and for all.
When I announce a ban, you’ll get a ban.https://t.co/ducB1yikwu
Yes, but does that include every kind of blade weapon? What about ninja swords?
Confirmed: Ninja swords will be banned by this summer.
— Keir Starmer (@Keir_Starmer) March 27, 2025
When we promise action we take it. https://t.co/gjJEQIMI10
To be so unaware of something so silly takes a special kind of ignorance that only leftists possess.
Starmer believes he's "doing something about the problem." Why? Because he says so, and how can anyone with such noble intentions be wrong about anything?
Naturally, anyone with more than two working brain cells went to town on Starmer's ludicrous proposal. The Daily Wire curated the best of the lot.
This is, by far, my favorite.
Pictured: a young King Arthur moments before being imprisoned for life for possession of a bladed weapon https://t.co/V2i3H20UTC pic.twitter.com/9D2JPszwSD
— Magills (@magills_) March 27, 2025
There's even unintentional humor in the "Community Notes."
Loving the proposed community notes pic.twitter.com/9dgyhJtG2q
— Sea-foh (@SeeFoam1) March 28, 2025
The future.
— Patrick (@patricksp71) March 27, 2025
That Starmer felt it necessary to single out ninja swords for banning is not just stupid but weird. Was he worried there'd be a "ninja sword loophole" in the ban?
Great news everyone! They’re tackling the ninja epidemic. https://t.co/HV83iM8BBx pic.twitter.com/WYf4AzzorT
— Gill, womb haulier and gorgon 🇮🇱🐍 (@Gillian_Philip) March 27, 2025
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I want to emphasize that the ninja sword ban is total. You can't even have one in your home.
It will be illegal to possess, manufacture, import, or sell ninja swords starting on August 1. The statute is being introduced in Parliament on Thursday.
The Conservatives rejected a ban on ninja swords when they were in control last year, citing their use by military historians, collectors, and for commemorations. They also noted that only around 1 percent of knife crime fatalities in 2023 involved a ninja sword, according to the Mirror.
The majority of ninja swords have a blade between 14 inches and 24 inches long with one cutting edge. Anyone caught in possession of one, even in their own home, could face six months in prison, a punishment that would increase to two years under a new crime bill currently before Parliament.
The last word goes to Iowahawk, David Burge.
What concerns me is that Japan could retaliate with tariffs on broadswords and maces, and deporting Knights of the Roundtable
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 27, 2025
The whole phenomenon of British organized crime movies is really quite remarkable, it's as if someone decided to create a genre of action films centered on the seamy underbelly of Urbandale Iowa
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 27, 2025
Urbandale is a suburb of Des Moines.
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