Today’s column will explore an issue that seems very pertinent to a number of you–older men with younger women and “mixed” marriages.
Dr. Helen,
I am a married man with a much younger wife. I get ribbed about it all the time, from both men and women but mostly from older women who look down on me for having a wife who is 20 years younger. Do you think that older men should hook up with younger women?
Dear Reader,
I have two words in response–Hell, yes! I’ll begin my answer by noting an amusing interchange at columnist Don Surber’s blog:
Don asks: “A 90-year-old farmer in India became a father for the 21st time. What kind of woman has sex with a 90-year-old man? I mean, what kind of woman under 70 has sex with a 90-year-old man?”
Commenter Jeremy answers: “My kind of girl.”
Okay the rest of the comment from Jeremy is not so nice but his point is well-taken. Older men and younger women can work out fine as can older women and younger men. I think the idea here is that you have to do find a relationship that makes you happy and if a younger woman fits the bill, what’s wrong with that? I have never understood this whole issue people have with age and relationships. Younger, older-who cares? If you don’t believe me, take a look at my prom picture here where at 17, I asked a guy two years behind me in school to the prom. Once we’re out of high school, as long as someone is older than 18 and is mentally competent, what’s the problem?
As Baby Boomers and Generation X-ers get older, perhaps its time to stop being so age restrictive and view people as people, rather than numbers. New research published in the New England Journal of Medicine overturns the stereotypical notions that physical pleasure is just a young person’s game. The study found that people from 57-85 were still having sex almost as frequently as younger people who were sexually active. You didn’t mention your age but my point here is that even older people–especially men, according to the study–are still interested in sex at older ages. The need to find a partner, regardless of age, is something that is important to both men and women.
That said, if a man is alive and enjoys relationships with women, why not go for women of all ages and that includes younger ones than oneself. You can’t let others dictate to you what restrictive qualities you must look for in a mate, for that is giving far too much power over your happiness to others. Next time someone tells you’re a “dirty old man” for being with a younger woman, just know that it’s jealousy coming through and has more to do with the naysayer feeling inadequate, threatened or repressed than it has to do with you. As for the older women looking down on you, baby boomers used be into telling everyone to be free and happy–“if it feels good, do it” and now they’re telling others–“you’re too old to do it with anyone but someone of your own age” and are engaging in the worst kind of sterotypes and ageism of both the young and old. Brush it off and go enjoy life with your younger bride.
For the next question, 1charlie2 writes in:
My wife, carries a Ruger. I have a Colt. “Is that considered a mixed marriage?”
You know, mixed marriages can work out fine and often do–I say, celebrate diversity!
So that’s my opinion, what’s yours on the older man/younger woman issue? Should they hook up? Drop a line in the comments and share your thoughts or if you are a woman, what do you think of the older woman/younger man issue?
Or if you have a question you would like answered, please leave it below or email me at [email protected]. Your questions may be edited for length and clarity. Please note that your first name only or no name at all will be used to identify your question-if you want me to use your name, tell me, otherwise you will be referred to by your first name or as “a reader” etc.
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Helen Smith is a psychologist specializing in forensic issues in Knoxville, Tennessee and blogs at drhelen.blogspot.com.
This advice column is for educational and entertainment purposes only and does not purport to replace therapy or psychological treatment.
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