News & Politics

New Feminist Lunacy: 'Januhairy' (Empowerment Through Armpit Hair)

Welcome to civilization’s backwards march:

More from People magazine:

You’ve heard about Movember, but what about ‘Januhairy‘?

Similar to the social movement in November, which encourages men to grow mustaches to raise awareness of men’s health issues, such as prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and men’s suicide, Januhairy is a new annual event targeted to women.

Januhairy encourages women to embrace their body hair by growing it out throughout the month. This new craze was started by Laura Jackson, a drama student at the University of Exeter in the U.K. after she noticed a difference in how she felt when she grew out her body hair for a role.

Let me begin by saying that if we are going to leave the fate of the Western world up to British drama students, I am going to begin working on my alcoholic coma right now.

Other than the growing of the hair, there really isn’t much “similar” to what the men are doing in November. The furry women’s movement is in support of something called a “body-positive organization,” which is supposed to make women feel better about themselves. Just like trying to raise money to cure cancer, right?

Thankfully, it looks as if not all the ladies are on board:

I will freely admit that I am an unapologetic — some would also say chauvinistic — celebrant of the glorious differences between men and women. As I am a conservative, I am still allowed to admit that they exist. Should the Democrats ever regain control of the White House and both chambers of Congress at the same time, I will almost certainly be imprisoned for that statement of fact.

One of my favorite things about women is — sit down for this one, kids — that they don’t look like men. I know, I’m a pig, right?

Women have so many ways of empowering themselves while still being women that it’s sad to see them told that the best way to achieve empowerment is to be a dollar-store knock-off of a man. Ladies, you’re not going to be able to get past the males blocking the Glass Ceiling with hairy legs. Power heels and bare legs will distract the simpletons for days, however, and you can waltz right past them.

Many like to make the argument that Hairy Gal Syndrome is normal because women didn’t really start shaving their pits and legs until the 1920s. You know what else started in the 1920s? Not dying from tuberculosis.

So maybe let’s stick with the glorious bounty the 1920s bequeathed unto us.

If women really want to feel more empowered by looking like men, they should start growing pot bellies and ear hair. A little pit fuzz is SO pubescent boy.

Better yet, enjoy being ladies, ladies, for it’s sure to be outlawed in the near future.