News & Politics

So Who Really Did Win Iowa?

(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

Short answer: nobody. Longer answer: not Bernie Sanders, not the Democrats, and certainly not the Dowager Empress of Chappaqua, who managed to waddle herself into a statistical tie with a superannuated red-diaper baby from Brooklyn in an electoral “contest” whose rules are so arcane that not even the Democrats understand them:

It’s Iowa’s nightmare scenario revisited: An extraordinarily close count in the Iowa caucuses — and reports of chaos in precincts, website glitches and coin flips to decide county delegates — are raising questions about accuracy of the count and winner.

This time it’s the Democrats, not the Republicans.

Even as Hillary Clinton trumpeted her Iowa win in New Hampshire on Tuesday, aides for Bernie Sanders said the eyelash-thin margin raised questions and called for a review. The chairwoman of the Iowa Democratic Party rejected that notion, saying the results are final.

Sanders campaign aides told the Register they’ve found some discrepancies between tallies at the precinct level and numbers that were reported to the state party. The Iowa Democratic Party determines its winner based not on a head count, like in the Republican caucuses, but on state delegate equivalents, tied to a math formula. And there was enough confusion, and untrained volunteers on Monday night, that errors may have been made.

Of course they’re final. A sham simulacrum of a “caucus” was staged for the television cameras, and the correct outcome has been declared. So shut up and go home, you people.

And, anyway, the correct answer is Marco Rubio. Now, off you go to New Hampshire.