News & Politics

The Five Worst Types of Pandemic Maskers

The Five Worst Types of Pandemic Maskers
AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta

Most people appear to be sick and tired of COVID regulations like mask mandates and social distancing. For a while, it seemed like normalcy was on the horizon, especially for those of us who are vaccinated. But now, because of the delta variant, people are masking up again in higher numbers. Some places even require masks for everyone, regardless of vaccination status. Some recent studies have suggested that masks aren’t effective at slowing the spread of COVID, but that doesn’t seem to matter much. Some people just want to be afraid. And through it all, there have been maskers who are just intolerable. They think they’re helping by wear masks, but based on their behaviors, they are not. Even if you’re a true believer in mask-wearing and its protective powers, these people aren’t helping as much as they think they are.

Dirty Maskers

Pretty much everyone is a dirty masker these days. Unless you only wear disposable masks and change them frequently, your mask is dirty, dirty, dirty. But there’s something particularly annoying about seeing those people who think they’re doing the right thing pulling a mask out of their pocket or purse, where it has been for who knows how long, collecting germs from personal items or money. And then they look at you like you’re the devil for not putting a mask on. Putting on a dirty mask that’s been sitting in your pocket might not give you COVID, but you may get sick from something else.

Pull-Down Maskers

These people I want to smack. They religiously wear their stupid masks, thinking they’re good citizens, but the moment the mask presents a hardship, like someone can’t understand what they are saying, they pull them down and talk away–oftentimes leaning much closer to the person they were talking to. Umm, do you realize what you’re doing?

Mouth-Only Maskers

No one actually likes wearing a mask–especially if you wear glasses. It’s the worst. Not only can you not see because your lenses are fogged up, but breathing ain’t a picnic either. But, if you believe masks provide effective protection from COVID (even Dr. Fauci said they didn’t) wearing it below the nose defeats the purpose of wearing the mask in the first place, and you might as well not wear it at all. Instead of telling the world you’re willing to do what it takes to slow the spread, all you’re doing is proving yourself to be a COVIDiot who hates wearing a mask but feels bullied into it.

Lonely Maskers

In the early months of the pandemic, I remember hearing people say that they saw people driving alone in cars wearing masks. I couldn’t believe it. I thought at the time no one was that ridiculous, but, eventually, I did witness someone driving alone in a car wearing a mask. These morons were not a myth. They were real! And my faith in humanity plummeted. Chances are good these people have Biden stickers on their cars too.

Social Justice Maskers

The only thing worse than the maskers above are the ones who lecture people about wearing masks. It’s one thing to wear a mask when you don’t need to, or not wear it properly, but it’s another thing entirely when someone is so terrified about COVID that they will literally harass people who aren’t wearing masks. You’ve probably seen some of the viral videos on social media, accusing someone in the middle of a store of being a murderer for not wearing a mask. Yes, these people aren’t content to just wear their masks and do what they think is right… they think it’s their duty to publicly shame people who are not only not doing anything wrong, but they are actually following CDC guidelines.