How to Screw Up a Free Lunch

You have probably heard the phrase, “He’s so dumb. (How dumb is he?) He’s so dumb he could screw up a free lunch.” Well, lo, and behold, it happened. Someone was that dumb. Namely Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson and his staff. Maybe we should change the phrase to “He’s so liberal he could screw up a free lunch.” I can think of no more apt metaphor, no better example, no Price is Right Fail Horn, step-on-a-rake, seltzer-in-the-face illustration of progressive policy than what you are about to read.

Hizzoner wanted to welcome all of Chicago’s kids back to school. And what better way to tell the kiddos to have a good year and learn great things than with a pizza party? Everyone loves pizza, right? Can anyone think of a nicer start for a new year of education? And so it was announced that the mayor would hold a pizza party! Yay!

Not yay.

The Daily Caller reported that In the great Democratic tradition of overpromising and underdelivering, school kids from the Windy City lined up, mouths watering and eyes aglow, anticipating their little slices of heaven on the first day of school. What did they get? Frozen pizzas. I’m not kidding. Frozen pizzas. What fun is a frozen pizza? How long did the mayor and his aides think a frozen pizza would keep in a backpack or school locker in Chicago in August? Chicago, if this is the brain trust running your city, you’re done for.

Besides, it’s just lame.

The look on the young man’s face below pretty much says it all:

When @ChicagosMayor and Home Run Inn partnered to hand out pizza to CPS students, most assumed it would be for lunch.

Today, kids received frozen pizzas.

Tell us: What does a student do with a frozen pizza all day?

Brandon Johnson is a fraudster.https://t.co/P5NCHznjRj pic.twitter.com/Ki9srITIM9

— Chicago Contrarian (@ChicagoContrar1) August 21, 2023

Even kindergartners know when they are being conned. Welcome to the Democratic Party, kids. If I were you, I’d get used to it. This is about as good as it’s going to get.

Granted, I didn’t go to one of those Ivy League institutions, and I have never been accused of being the sharpest tack in the board. But when I hear “pizza party,” I don’t plan on pulling the wrapper off the pie and preheating an oven to 350 degrees. But I suppose that, technically, each kid did get a pizza. Or an oversized frisbee. If Johnson and his team understand that trying to eat a frozen pizza is only slightly more fun than a broken shoelace or a wedgie, they did not let on and were perfectly happy to spin the story for the local media.

Via Daily Caller:

“Investing in our young people, investing in families, and strengthening our education system, that is the pathway to success. That’s what sets us apart from other places in the country,” Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson said, per Fox 32.

“We’re grateful to Home Run Inn and all our City partners for joining us as we welcome back our families, staff and importantly, our amazing scholars. Starting the year off strong depends on our schools as well as our parents and community members, as exemplified in this generous gift and partnership,” Chicago Public Schools CEO Pedro Martinez said to Fox 32.

So remember, kids (and grownups, too), when progressives want to give you anything, including pizza, it’s not delivery — it’s a disappointment.