Culture

Day Drinking with KDJ: Today's News in Two Minutes

AP Photo/Steve Helber

Today’s day-drinking libation:

Suffering Bastard. A delicious tiki concoction with a left and a right hook.

-Ginger beer

-Bourbon

-Gin

-Lime juice

-Bitters

-Mint (optional)

Serve in a tiki mug.

I ate some stable hay for breakfast and I’m typing really fast now!!!!!!

All The News That’s Fit to Peruse

Everything you’re about to read is true

-Gas shortages? CHECK. Inflation? CHECK. Why go to Venezuela when we can make Venezuela here?

-Gas hit a nationwide average of $3 a gallon for the first time since 2014.

-Inflation surged 4.2%, which is a 13 year high.

-China and Russia are buddies.

-Iranian gunboats are taunting our navy.

-Hamas is rocketing Israel.

-Parts of the country are facing gas shortages. Virginia, North Carolina, and Florida have declared states of emergency. Many gas stations in those states are closed due to a lack of gas to sell

All of this happened in Gropey Joe Biden’s first four months. And yet we are supposed to believe that 52.8% of people approve of his job so far. If he continues at this rate we should be Cuba by Christmas.

Joe is just the appetizer of destruction. Not to be outdone by an “old white man,” Kamala Harris will hit the nation with a liberal blitzkrieg that would make Che Guevara giggle. I hope Babel has an app to teach us to speak fluent Socialist.

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Energy Secretary Jennifer Granholm told reporters that pipelines are the best way to transport oil, four months after Biden canceled the Keystone XL pipeline and right after Michigan’s Governor Whitmer threatened to close a Canadian pipeline. No word from energy specialist Hunter Biden.

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New York Governor Andrew Cuomo is offering vaccines in subway stations because who doesn’t want to get their jab while watching an old Asian lady get pummeled.

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Speaking of, remember when CNN and the left were all about #StopAsianViolence? Why did CNN back off on that? You can watch CNN’s Charlie Chester answer that question in this must-see undercover video by Project Veritas.

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The NYC wokesters took Columbus Day off the school calendar and replaced it with “Italian Heritage/Indigenous People Day.” Next step, replace “white supremacist” Christmas with Elf Reparation Day.

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A family in Maine was cleaning out their dead father’s house when they found human remains. Still better than my brother and I going through our dead dad’s mobile home last year and finding naked pics of our mom from the ’80s. (True story. The yoga poses were the most damaging. Probably why I am day drinking.)

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African-American artist Sanford Biggers designed a creepy 25-foot, bobblehead statue in honor of African culture. No mention of decades of war, famine, Boko Haram kidnapping/selling schoolgirls, starvation, 14-year-old boys in rag-tag armies, or slaughtering farmers to the point of extinction.

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On her way out the door, Liz Cheney gave a “Hitler in the bunker” type farewell tirade, vowing to fight Trump from her next job at Best Buy. Face it, Liz, it’s Trump’s party now. It has been for a while. The Republican party can finally let Reagan rest in peace. Enjoy the tar pit, dinosaur.