Mental illness is not funny. Even when it’s funny, it’s not funny. So, as you read about a woman who believes that she has had sex with multiple ghosts and is now engaged to one, keep reminding yourself that mental illness is not funny. Even when it’s funny.
Amethyst Realm (of course that’s her name) confessed on TV that she had cheated on her fiancé — her human fiancé — with a ghost.
Amethyst told the hosts of the British TV show “ITV This Morning” that she has given up on men and is now only interested in relationships with spirits. She said that her first experience involved a ghost coming up behind her and breathing on her neck. She found it warm and comforting and decided to “take it to the next level.”
Dressed in lingerie, Amethyst waited in a dark bedroom. She waited so long that she started to fall asleep. That’s when the ghost decided to approach. (I’m going to pause to ask a quick question: can a woman who is half-asleep properly give consent? This sounds like it has the makings of a #MeToo moment.) Anyway, that night was the first time Amethyst had sex with a ghost. She has since gone on to enjoy physical intimacy with multiple ghosts.
If, unlike me, you’re curious what sex with a ghost is like, Amethyst explains it as “like a weight, but at the same time weightless.” Translation: it’s a contradiction of terms.
Her ghostly cheating was discovered when her human fiancé arrived home early one day and saw the form of a man with Amethyst through the bedroom window, which she finds odd because her ghostly lover has never manifested a physical form to her. She chalks it up to the ghost being jealous and wanting to break up her engagement with her human partner.
Well, to make a long story short, Amethyst and her first ghostly boyfriend did break up. No worries, though, because she went on to enjoy physical intimacy with several spirits. At least twenty, and she is quite sure that they are different spirits because they feel different.
During that interview, the two TV hosts sat on their couch, put whatever journalistic credibility they had on the line, and talked with Amethyst about the possibility of her becoming pregnant by a ghost. For her part, Amethyst hasn’t ruled out wanting that. To be fair, she hasn’t done enough research to know if it’s possible. For their part, the TV hosts teetered on the edge of professionalism. They did point out that if Amethyst does succeed in becoming impregnated by a ghost, it will be like Casper.
Well, this story of ghostly promiscuity has a happy ending. This past August, Amethyst came back on “ITV This Morning” and announced that she’s engaged to a spirit. After Amethyst explained how she met her ghostly fiancé while she was hiking in Australia, one of the hosts asked, “Why was this one different?”
Blushing, Amethyst confessed, “Because I fell in love with it.”
If you haven’t already guessed, Amethyst is a “spiritual guidance counselor,” a career that will no doubt come in handy as she and her ghostly fiancé begin a life together and, like all other couples, learn how to navigate each other’s peculiarities and quirks. No doubt, her career has equipped her to better handle ghostly marital conflict than many of us all of the rest of us. Her experience as a “spiritual guidance counselor” will also prove useful if Amethyst gets her wish and becomes pregnant with her ghostly fiancé’s baby.
The happy couple is planning a pagan wedding ceremony with friends and family in attendance. For those interested in sending them a wedding present, there is no word yet on where they are registered. I do have one final question, though: if things go south relationship-wise, will she get a divorce or an exorcism?
Remember, mental illness is not funny, even when it is.
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