News & Politics

The First Battle of 2020: de Blasio vs. Domino's Pizza

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio speaks during a news conference Tuesday, Nov. 13, 2018, in New York. (AP Photo/Bebeto Matthews)

Welcome to 2020! Now that we’re finally out of the 2010s — the decade that our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters have described as “bad” and “terrible” and “make the hurting stop, Mommy” — we’ve all been given a chance at a fresh start. As we stride purposefully into the new decade, older but wiser, battle-worn but hopeful, each day is another chance to get it right. This is a perfect opportunity to leave the past in the past. It’s time to start working toward becoming our best selves.

But it ain’t gonna happen overnight. Some of us are still stuck on stupid, like the mayor of the second-greatest city in the world. Bill de Blasio just decided to kick off the Twenties by going to war with… Domino’s Pizza?!?

Glad you’ve solved all the other problems in New York City, Mr. Mayor!

It’s not that de Blasio has never heard of the law of supply and demand. He just dismisses it because he’s a pinko idiot. How dare a private business charge customers as dictated by the market, when all that money could be going into his pocket by force of government?

You know what I do when a business is charging more than I want to pay? I don’t pay! I find a cheaper alternative, or I do without. I make the choice that works best for me. If somebody else wants to pay more, they’re free to do so. That’s how it works in America. Nobody’s human rights are being violated. If you don’t want to pay $30 for a pizza… don’t. Shrug emoji.

And what about the people who make and deliver all those pizzas on New Year’s Eve? It’s one of their busiest nights of the year. Are they supposed to do all that work for free? Don’t they deserve to be compensated for their labor? Doesn’t de Blasio care about the workers?

I wouldn’t eat a Domino’s pizza if it cost 30 cents, but I’m glad to see an American company standing up against this commie doofus. Evie Fordham, Fox Business:

Domino’s pulled no punches in responding to New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio’s criticism of the chain’s prices in the Times Square area on New Year’s Eve.

A delivery man for a Manhattan Domino’s was spotted running $30 pies to revelers, and De Blasio claimed the chain was “exploiting” consumers and suggested they visit “local” joints.

“Every store in [New York City] is owned by a local resident,” a Domino’s spokesperson told FOX Business on Thursday. “Every employee is a local New York resident. Those stores provide jobs to thousands of his fellow citizens. With his comments, the mayor is suggesting that New Yorkers who own or work at a franchise are ‘lesser than’ those who don’t.

Exactly.

We live in a society where you can order a pizza online on your phone and have it brought to you wherever you are, whenever you want, and this red-diaper baby is quibbling over the price. If de Blasio had his way, New Yorkers wouldn’t be packed into Times Square to watch the ball drop. They’d be standing in line all day for a “free” loaf of bread.

It still amuses me that de Blasio thought it was a good idea to run for president. Somehow he thought America would hate him less than New York City does. I was bummed that he dropped out, because he’s so much fun to mock. But now he’s back to making New Yorkers miserable full-time, which seems like a suitable punishment for electing him. He’s all yours, ya dopes!