Fake meat is dumb. If you don’t like hamburgers because you can’t stand the thought of eating something that once had a face, then you shouldn’t eat them. Even if they’re not really meat. I don’t know why you would you want to stuff your face with a chunk of heavily salted soy protein in the first place, but it seems particularly pointless to eat something that’s specifically designed to smell and taste like dead animals, if your whole deal is not eating dead animals. You’re already punishing yourself for being biologically omnivorous. Why torment yourself even further with some sort of awful artificial frankenburger?
That’s why I’m amused by the following item. This is what Burger King gets for trying to make inroads with vegans. Jonathan Stempel and Richa Naidu, Reuters:
Burger King was sued on Monday by a vegan customer who accused the fast-food chain of contaminating its meatless “Impossible” Whoppers by cooking them on the same grills as its traditional meat burgers.
In a proposed class action, Phillip Williams said he bought an Impossible Whopper, a plant-based alternative to Burger King’s regular Whopper, at an Atlanta drive-through, and would not have paid a premium price had he known the cooking would leave it “coated in meat by-products.”
That’s right, this genius went to Burger King and bought a burger, and now he’s suing them because it contained traces of… burger.
I hope this serves as a lesson to corporate America: You just can’t please vegans, because if they were capable of happiness, they wouldn’t be vegans. You can’t cater to them — in this case literally — because their entire philosophy is anti-human. They’re ashamed of their own existence on this planet, and that shame has turned them into totalitarian wackjobs. Trying to sell things to them will only backfire. Your best option is just to ignore them.
When it comes to food that’s been manipulated to kinda-sorta taste like other food, I’m with the legendary Joe Bob Briggs: “Stop lying and eat your salad.”