News & Politics

We'll All Be Eating Fake Meat by 2040, Apparently

We'll All Be Eating Fake Meat by 2040, Apparently
A 100 percent U.S. Angus beef Colby Jack Cheeseburger (AP Photo/Eugene Hoshiko)

There will always be busybodies who want to tell you what you shouldn’t eat, drink, smoke, watch, read, or otherwise allow into your body and mind. Somebody you’ve never met will always know how to run your life better than you do. They’re always making predictions about what will happen if we all don’t do as we’re told, and sooner or later they’re bound to be right about something. It hasn’t happened yet, but it’s possible.

The food-fascists can’t get us to quit eating meat, so they’re trying to make meat substitutes seem the least bit appealing. We’re supposed to eat “Impossible Burgers,” and we’re not supposed to laugh when Burger King swaps them out for the real thing and #owns those dumb vegans. Or we’re supposed to eat locust-burgers and hot dogs made of maggots because they’re more “sustainable.” The people who dream up these abominations hate their fellow human beings and want us to be miserable. As the noted cultural critic Sonny Bunch puts it: “Environmentalists make good movie villains because they want to make your real life worse.”

Here’s another one of their dumb predictions that we’re all supposed to forget about when the deadline passes without incident. Jessica Campisi, The Hill:

In 2040, most of the “meat” people eat won’t come from slaughtered animals, a new report says.

Instead of sourcing meat products from dead animals, 60 percent of meat will be either grown in vats or won’t actually be meat, but instead plant-based products that look like meat, the report from global consulting firm AT Kearney found…

The report cites challenges to find arable land due to climate change and expanding cities, as well as health risks posed to humans if they eat livestock treated with antibiotics to avoid epidemics.

Yes, yes, because global warming. As we all know, the polar ice caps have melted and snowfall is a thing of the past. Those predictions have come to pass, and so will this one.

BREAKING: According to a report from the global consulting firm JF Treacher, vegans are idiots and everybody else will keep eating what we want. Mind your own business, you anemic scolds.