News & Politics

United Airlines Goes Gender-Neutral or Whatever

(Larry MacDougal via AP)

Hi, it’s your old pal Problematic Cishet White Male again, with another dispatch from Woke America. What are these crazy kids up to today?

Before the Wright Brothers could achieve the first sustained flight of a powered heavier-than-air craft back in 1903, they had to solve a number of problems. How to achieve lift. How to keep the craft balanced. How to propel it. They fixed those minor details, but they failed to deal with one important issue. In over a century of manned airflight, there’s one nagging problem that has never been addressed:


That ends today.


United Airlines today announced it has become the first U.S. airline to offer non-binary gender options throughout all booking channels in addition to providing the option to select the title “Mx.” during booking and in a MileagePlus customer profile. Customers now have the ability to identify themselves as M(male), F(female), U(undisclosed) or X(unspecified), corresponding with what is indicated on their passports or identification.

Coffee, tea, or inclusivity?

This is a good first step, and I hope the other airlines follow suit. But they won’t achieve true gender inclusivity until they stop insisting on handing out nuts.

In addition, the airline is accommodating dyslexic Americans by changing its name to Untied.

I would like to take this opportunity to announce that I identify as an emotional-support animal, and I demand to be allowed on commercial flights at no extra charge to my human. Also, I am a unicorn, or maybe a pegasus. A magical sparkle-pony, perhaps. I haven’t decided yet and will not be pressured. Please respect my identity, which may change without notice at any moment.

But seriously, folks. The service industry can cater to its customers in any way it sees fit, and the rest of us can make jokes if it amuses us to do so. Welcome to America, and thank you for remaining calm.