Hillary Says She Won't Run Again, Which Means She'll Probably Run Again

I don’t want to say Hillary Clinton is the worst presidential candidate in the history of the United States, but she lost to Donald Trump. Donald. Trump. No matter how hard her boosters and diehards try to wave away that pesky fact, her ignominious failure will go down in history. It’s tough to imagine the stinging shame and thwarted rage she feels every morning when she regains consciousness and remembers what happened. It’s tough to imagine, but it’s fun to think about.

So how about a rematch in 2020? Hillary has been hemming and hawing about it:

“I’d like to be president.” Yeah, Hillary, we know. We know.

Maybe she’ll take another crack at it, maybe she won’t. But she’s not ruling it out. If you don’t like the idea of the Democrats dragging her through yet another campaign, Weekend at Bernie’s-style, some Dems aren’t too excited about it either. They’ve learned their lesson, which is weird because they’re Democrats.

Robert Donachie, Washington Examiner:

Top Democrats have reacted with a distinct coolness to the notion that defeated 2016 nominee Hillary Clinton could have another tilt at Donald Trump.

“I don’t think she is seriously thinking about it,” said Joe Trippi, who ran Howard Dean’s groundbreaking 2004 presidential campaign.

Celinda Lake, a veteran pollster who enthusiastically backed Clinton two years ago said that for most voters she represented the “status quo” when change was needed. Should she run? “I don’t think that would be a good idea,” Lake responded.

Well, if Democrats don’t like the idea, I’m willing to consider it. Anything that continues Joe Trippi’s unbroken losing streak is fine by me.

Just off the top of my pointy little head, here are three reasons Hillary Clinton should run for president one last time:

• She might win. Hey, who knows? Everybody thought she was going to win in 2016. Hell, the Trumpkins were in such a panic about it, they screamed at anybody who decided not to vote for either of the two completely unacceptable candidates. (“Why do you want Hillary to win?” they’d shriek at anybody who refused to vote for Trump, flop-sweat soaking the brims of their bright red MAGA caps. It turned out my vote didn’t matter anyway, but that hasn’t stopped them from blaming me every time Trump says something stupid and I refuse to man the battlements in his defense.) Maybe there are some people who didn’t vote for her in 2016 who regret it now. Maybe there are enough of them to make the difference. Maybe we’re all in Hell and this is how we’re being tortured for all eternity. Shrug emoji!
• She might lose. Hillary has run for president twice now, and both times she was defeated by a man who was even less qualified for the job than she was. It wasn’t sexist the first time she got trounced, because opposing the guy who beat her was racist. That’s how the hierarchy of victimhood works! But in 2016 the victor was a white male, which means we can apply all the old rules about the patriarchy. Feminists and other leftists enjoy being miserable and angry, so another Hillary loss in 2020 would satisfy their deepest desire: victimhood. A moral victory is even better than an actual victory, because you don’t have any of the added responsibility but you do get the added cachet of being oppressed. Hillary could write yet another book about being a gigantic loser, and she could do more speaking engagements all over the place, and she’d still find idiots to throw money at her. Everybody would be happy, by which I mean unhappy. And speaking of which…
• It’ll make Bill miserable. Other than gawping at all those balloons when his wife accepted the nomination, Bill did not look like he was having a good time on the campaign trail. I don’t know the precise details of the Faustian deal they made 20-odd years ago — “I won’t leave you, you bastard, but you have to back me up when I run for president,” something along those lines — but Slick Willie didn’t seem like he enjoyed holding up his end of the bargain. He didn’t seem like he wanted her to win. He kept saying weird stuff to undercut her, and he just looked tired and sullen. If you like seeing Bill Clinton having a really bad time, you should encourage his wife to take another shot at that glass ceiling.

I don’t know what’s going to happen, and obviously neither does anybody else. I’m just trying to find the silver lining, folks.

If you like Trump and I just made you angry, keep in mind that I figure he’ll win no matter which creep the Dems foist on us. If you hate Trump and I just made you angry, I don’t really care. I can’t stand the guy, and yet somehow his opponents always manage to be even worse.