In the wake of the recent school shooting in Parkland, Fla., some of our good friends on the left are taking the opportunity to call for the national voting age to be lowered to 16. The thinking is best encapsulated by former White House speechwriter Jon Lovett, author of “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.”
With the 26th amendment to the Constitution we lowered the voting age to 18 in part as a response to the burdens young people carried in Vietnam. It’s time to lower it again to 16 in recognition of the ways our society has changed in the decades since. It is a reform that is as obvious as it is necessary.
Lovett then slaps away the various feeble arguments against his wise proposal, including:
- Oh, young adults are too immature to vote, are they? On the contrary. They’ve already developed “cold cognition,” the sort of rational decision-making skills required to handle tough life questions like “Who should I vote for?” and “Which color of laundry detergent should I film myself eating?” They got this! 🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯
- A person who’s too young to buy a gun should be able to vote because a ballot never killed anybody. Do you have any idea how many paper cuts it takes to bleed someone to death?
- In trials for serious crimes like rape and murder, we treat youngsters as adults. Why shouldn’t they be held similarly responsible for their other horrible decisions, like supporting Democrats?
And so forth.
Lovett’s idea is obviously awesome, and no serious person can possibly disagree with it. But if anything, I don’t think he goes far enough. Lowering the voting age is long overdue, yes, but this still wouldn’t include nearly enough potential voters to help Democrats start winning elections again really be fair.
Why stop there? Why not lower the voting age to… six?
I know what you’re saying. “What have you been smoking, Treach? And can you hook me up?” Probably nothing, and definitely not. Now, just hear me out:
Kids Have Longer to Live Than the Rest of Us. As Parkland student and gun-confiscation advocate David Hogg has pointed out, the NRA needs to just shut up because he and his friends will “outlive” them. On average, he’s right. He probably has a lot more time left to say words and make gestures on cable news than older people do. He’ll still be talking while they’re decomposing. By that measure, shouldn’t even younger people have even more of a right to determine their own future?
The more recently you were born, the more time you have to live with your mistakes. Why not start making the big ones now?
The Sooner Kids Learn Life Ain’t Fair, the Better. When Hillary lost in 2016, her supporters screamed and cried like tiny little babies. I mean, just look at these temper tantrums:
This was the first time many of these people had voted, and they were completely unprepared for Hillary Clinton to fail them like that. They invested all their hopes and dreams in her, and her loss completely devastated them.
Wouldn’t it be better for a twentysomething voter to have a few decades of experience losing elections? Couldn’t he and/or she benefit from a literally thicker skin? (By which I mean figuratively.) The sooner young people start taking on adult responsibilities, the sooner they’ll learn that things don’t always turn out the way they want. And the sooner the rest of us can get some peace and quiet.
Kids Love Batman. It takes a lot of money to run for president. It requires a lot of self-sacrifice. And it means a lot of people are going to plot to kill you. Nobody fits that bill better than Batman, and kids love him. If we had let children vote and the Dems had dressed up Hillary Clinton in a Batman costume, there’s no way she would’ve lost Wisconsin.
Elementary Schools Are Polling Places Anyway. Our youngest voters won’t even have to be chauffeured anywhere. Good news, harried moms!
For these reasons, and for many other reasons so obvious that I shouldn’t even have to type them up for money, the time has come to let six-year-olds vote. If you’ve made it all the way to first grade, isn’t it about time to make your first nation-shaping blunder?
The 28th Amendment: You shouldn’t need to know how to count to make your vote count!
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