Grab a Drink and Join Us for the 2nd GOP Presidential Primary Debate

With that, I'm off to bed with a totally off-topic sci-fi novel and a brandy in a snifter the size of a Yugo, but far more reliable.

Thanks for coming, and I'll see you in November for the next one.

I'll let someone a little less exhausted and (hopefully) a bit more sober do the big wrap later on. But I can do a mini wrap.

Christie: On substance and delivery, reminded me of the pre-holding-hands-with-Obama Christie. But he's still dead to me and most GOP voters.

Haley: Was doing fine until she went into Pit Bull Mode. Off-putting, and not because she's a woman, but because she couldn't pull it off -- and shouldn't have tried.

Burgam: Strong on substance. Excellent cabinet choice.

DeSantis: The grownup in the room. Again.

Pence: Still can't explain why he's there.

Scott: Pence with a better backstory.

Vivek: Good one-liners. But he still comes across as the smart kid who memorized all the answers but doesn't really believe a lot of them.

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DeSantis is my winner tonight just on that.

Not that there was much else to choose from, courtesy of Fox News and the RNC for this clown show. 

Kudos to DeSantis for taking the lead on dismissing this stupid game-show stunt.

As they are mercifully about to do. 

Scott and Haley are a couple in divorce court, arguing about the curtains while the judge wishes he'd slipped a bigger flask under his robe.

I was a good line but either the delivery, or the chaotic mood on that stage, made it wither on the vine.

Hmm...

If elected, I'll appoint Burgam my White House Czar for Firing Executive Branch Deadweight.

#Vodka2024

Hey... about that last item. Then DeSantis stepped in and played grownup between Haley and Scott. Maybe that is a winning tack. We'll see. 

A nice back-and-forth between DeSantis and Haley. Took a moment to absorb it, which is why this little item is later than usual. They exchange was different, out of place tonight, because DeSantis didn't get personal. He had a very "Just the facts, ma'am" demeanor.

It was a welcome change. I just don't know -- hence the delay -- if it's winning.

Meanwhile, Haley and Scott started arguing like my teenage sons often do.

From my colleague Lincoln Brown in the comments: "At this point, I'm just going to lower the lights in my bathroom light some candles, put on some soft music, and climb in the tub with my wife's hair drier."

Please YES let this happen.

The energy question from Varney: "As president, how would you reduce oil prices without getting more oil?"

What a dumbass.

I mentioned this earlier but Kurt made it sing. 

So far, the winner of tonight's debate is my corner liquor store for reasons that are far too obvious. 

Here's the thing about black-swan attacks like 9/11: There's very little way to prevent them. The bad guys always have the initiative, they have however much time they need to develop an imaginative plan, and they know our playbook.

It sucks, but there are few reliable ways of getting around that.

If elected, I'll replace all my plain red ties with novelty fishing-themed ties.

#Vodka2024

Have at it, folks.

With even sharper spikes.