One Hair Gel to Rule Them All: Newsom's Plans to Conquer the Nation

AP Photo/Susan Walsh

It must be frustrating at times to be Gavin Newsom. It’s true that he’s rich, has the striking good looks of a decades-old Ken doll accidentally uncovered in a landfill, and is the Governor of California. But he is also the governor of a state that probably set a record for hemorrhaging the largest number of citizens in the shortest amount of time in the history of this nation, or for that matter any other, during peacetime. He is the governor of cities that are losing businesses and gaining homeless camps. Poverty, lawlessness, and decay have become the hallmarks of cities that used to be the crown jewels of California and destination points for tourists and would-be actors and entrepreneurs. And that has to bother him.


So what do you do when you have run your state into the ground? After you search through the rubble for whatever valuables may be left, you set off in search of new territory to conquer. Why pick over the ruins of the Golden State when there is fresh meat to be had to the east? And with that in mind, Newsom has launched a brand-new initiative called “Campaign for Democracy.” Just the News said that Newsom began his offensive in September of last year by putting up billboards in seven red states that had enacted strict abortion laws. He officially announced the effort on Twitter this week, stating:

NEW: I’m launching a new organization, Campaign for Democracy. America is in an existential struggle for democracy. Extremist Republicans are systematically attacking the very foundations of our free society — denying women equality, attacking communities of color, fetishizing weapons of war, banning books, restricting speech, and undermining the right to vote. It’s un-American. It’s un-democratic. Time to fight back. Join us.

He has also released a video attacking “extremist” Republicans, notably Trump, DeSantis, and Sarah Huckabee Sanders. The campaign’s website has the following statements on the home page:

Through an aggressive, coordinated and sustained state-by-state organizing campaign through the 2024 election, the Campaign for Democracy’s mission is to confront and defeat unAmerican authoritarianism.

America is in an existential struggle for democracy. Across the country, extremist Republicans are systematically attacking the very foundations of a free society — bullying and criminalizing the most vulnerable, denying women equality and reproductive healthcare, attacking communities of color, dehumanizing immigrants seeking the American Dream, banning books and restricting speech, and undermining the most basic tenet of our democracy, the right to vote.

The Campaign for Democracy was founded to expose and fight rising authoritarianism across the nation.  We believe that all patriotic Americans must go on offense in red states as well as blue states, bringing the fight to statehouses, local communities, electoral battlegrounds, and our nation’s capitol to save the great American experiment in democracy.

Below the last statement is a donation button. Naturally.

As if Newsom, who enacted some of the harshest and most punitive measures of the pandemic, has the right to call anyone else authoritarian.

Related: Gavin Newsom’s ‘Shady Ties’ With Failed Silicon Valley Bank Reveals His Other ‘Corruption’

Now, all of this may stream from Newsom’s presidential aspirations. Or maybe he would just like to have some people to govern, since so many have left his state. Or it could be a diversion. Remember Harvey Weinstein? When Harvey was outed for sexual abuse, his first moves were to proclaim his innocence and then try to convince the world that he was still a good person progressive. In fact, he made quite the show of telling anyone who would listen that he was working on a brand-new project that would expose the evils of firearms and gun ownership. He thought that would score him some points and get him off the hook.

By comparison, Newsom is the governor of an arguably failed state, a fact that he would never admit. And he does not want to draw attention to that. Fiscally, California is so far in arrears that auditors may have to invent a new shade of red just to describe it. And even though there is no money, the reparations folks want even greater amounts of cash, and they are demanding action. Short of a federal bailout, Newsom knows that the funds just aren’t there. Not just for reparations but for anything. So, faced with an unsalvageable situation at home, Newsom has turned his eyes afield. He is saying, “Don’t look at California! Look at the evil Republicans! On to the red states! Defeat the enemy! Ride, men, women, and zes/zims/zirs of Sacramento! Ride for Democracy! Oh, and Newsom in 2024.”

It will be interesting to see how many California ex-pats forget why they fled the Golden State and get on board to try and repeat their mistakes of the past. Of course, someone will buy the rhetoric. They will overlook the messes and the exodus that have plagued California and will cough up the cash. But Newsom could have saved himself a lot of trouble by just asking people to donate to “Newsom for President.” It’s all going to the same place, anyway.



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