Why is Christmas the most wonderful time of the year? Is it all the mistletoeing and hearts that are glowing? Yeah, that all rocks, but my values -- and kicks -- revolving around Christmas joy have taken a holly jolly turn, and I'd like to get you on board.
If you think eggnog and caroling are fun, wait until you get your bald-headed niecephew so mad zhe poops zher Che Guevara manties.
FACT-O-RAMA! The commies hate when we mock them, so mock I shall until we lock the doors of Ark 2.0 and listen to them get flushed away like the human feculence they are or, should we lose, until they learn how to load, aim, and fire a gun as I face a firing squad for the hundreds of articles I've written making fun of the joyless frown clowns.
But first a quick reminder from our favorite KGB defector, Yuri Bezmenov, who presciently told us back in the 1980s that there is ONE thing Marxism can't overcome -- Christianity. That is why they hate and fear us. This is why the miserable skanks show up to children's Christmas choirs and bullhorn their support for terrorists who rape women and burn children alive. They utterly hate you.
And don't forget how the U.S. Capitol Police made kids stop singing the National Anthem lest the song "offend" someone. The rot is deep, my friends. Enjoy Christmas before it is outlawed.
Remember, Christmas is the season to give, so let's give it to the Marxists good and hard.
#5 Mele Kalikimaka Is the Thing to Say
This one is simple and yet devastating: say "Merry Christmas." This is kryptonite to the simpering, pink-haired, troglodyte narcissists who believe that, in a world full of adults, their feelings mean something -- like this jackpudding who laughingly tries to associate the phrase "Merry Christmas" with anti-Semitism, Islamophobia, and, of course, hatred of the LGBTWTF crowd, all of whom, by the way, loathe Christians.
PINKO-RAMA! The journalistic ambergris I quoted above managed to fit the words "diversity" and "inclusivity" into zhim's victim manifesto. It only missed "equity." Commie Rating: Three out of Five Stars, Hammers, and Sickles.
"KDJ, what if I say 'Merry Christmas' and a com-symp whines, 'I don't celebrate Christmas'?"
You have several responses from which to choose:
"Then don't have a Merry Christmas!"
"Try some diversity for a change."
"I was being inclusive. I didn't know you're a hater."
"Say 'Happy Ramadan' to Hamas when they are done slaughtering gay people, you homophobic pile of pig vomit."
Pro tip: Laughing as you say these things will denote mockery, and that is their Achilles heel. Also, belittling them with their own weapons is easy, effective, and fun to do.
I'm aware that they judge us when we say "Merry Christmas." I don't care. Neither I nor my language will be controlled by some entitled, basement-dwelling dime museum or the Communist Chinese Party (CCP) that pulls its strings.
# 4 Unvaccinated Christmas Parties
When sending invitations via email or USPS, be sure to mention something like, "Warning: my family is unvaccinated, but in the spirit of Yuletide inclusivity, those who have blindly chosen to bend their knees and raise their sleeves for an experimental clot shot because Rachel Maddow told you to do so will be welcome as well. For those of you suffering from myocarditis, the defibrillator will be 'first come, first served.'"
# 3 Meat is Murder Tasty
You undoubtedly have an annoying, Gaza-loving cousin who hates meat. In a sign of goodwill, prepare a few veggie burgers. Here is what to do when "Dylan" raves over the taste and asks, "What's your secret?" Tell it you added Worcestershire sauce, a dab of chocolate, honey, and sugar. When the meatophobe runs for the Ipecac, pretend you didn't know that none of these ingredients are vegan.
Calm the herbivore down by saying the vegetables were grown in your own garden with liberal (heh) amounts of climate-changing cow manure.
I also suggest the following libation:
- "The Colonizer"
- 3 parts Plymouth gin (it will remind people of a certain rock in Massachusetts)
- .5 parts culturally appropriated tequila
- 2 dashes of bitters (because liberals are bitter)
RELATED: Nine Christmas Cocktails to Trigger the Libs
# 2 Festive Lighting
There is nothing the Mao-maos hate more than Christians projecting their values and their fun at the same time. I prefer to combine the secular and the religious for the one-two punch of Christmas lighting extravaganza.
The more Christmas lights you have, the more those testosterone dodgers will weep!
Kids today don't understand how the lights scene in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation was a pivotal moment in history and changed the paradigm forever
— Brendon 🌪️🐻❄️ (@brendonme) December 21, 2023
Lights on all the eaves and corners used to be insane, but now every town has a dude+ with the entire dang house covered pic.twitter.com/q0luxSFi2e
# 1 Make Christmas Great Again: Re-elect Donald J. Trump
The most vulgar and ostentatious display of liberal blubbering happened the day Donald Trump defeated harridan Hillary for the White House. The diaper-wearing femminiellos lost their minds, and we laughed like we were watching "Caddyshack" for the first time.
Sure, the election is 11 months away, but let's start their trauma early. Put some manic in their panic and get the ball rolling now. Post a "MAGA 2024" sign next to your inflatable Santa. Remember that the worst part about being punished as kids wasn't the punishment itself, it was waiting for Dad to get home. Let's make them cry until Election Day.
MAKE CHRISTMAS GREAT AGAIN!!!
— Alex De La Cruz (@AlexDLCMundo) December 23, 2023
🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🎅🎅🎅❄❄❄🦌🦌🦌🌲🌲🌲pic.twitter.com/R8LsL2KrH8
Let's keep laughing at the miserable "woke" stooges. Check out the new Christmas video short from my friends at "Jokes and a Point." They know how to clown-slap a commie like no one else.
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