Go Directly to Jail: Monopoly Game Ends in Gory Sword Fight

(AP Photo/Steven Senne, File)

There but for the grace of God…

A late-night, outdoor Monopoly game got out of hand in Brussels, Belgium, resulting in a bloodbath battle and a police escort for two to the local hospital.

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FACT-O-RAMA! The “Monopoly man’s” name is Milburn Pennybags, aka “Rich Uncle Pennybags.”  He is from Atlancitc City, N.J. He is rumored to be based on a combination of two rich dudes, J.P Morgan, and Otto Khan. Despite what people think, Mr. Pennybags does not wear a monocle. The Monopoly game’s policeman’s name is Officer Edgar Mallory. The guy in the hoosegow is Jake the Jailbird.

Three women and one man were enjoying an apparently raucous game of Monopoly around 5 a.m. in front of a house they did not live in. The occupant of the house became annoyed by the jollity — and apparent ribaldry. He picked up a stick and not-so-kindly asked the competitors to take their game elsewhere. That’s when the fun began.

Rather than take their party on the road, the would-be real estate moguls argued with the sleepless man, compelling his son to join the fracas, which he did with a Katana ninja sword strapped to his side.

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MR. PENNYBAGS GOES TO WASHINGTON- O-RAMA! In 2017, a woman (Amanda Werner) crashed a couple of Senate committee meetings dressed as Milburn Pennybags.

Pandemonium!

The male player and the son engaged in a little argy-bargy. Fisticuffs erupted, and the sword sheath broke. The men tussled further, and the now-exposed blade injured both pugilists in the early morning battle on the means street of Brussels.

FAMILY TREE-O-RAMA! The rumors are true! Milburn Pennybags and the Pringles guy — Julius Pringles — are related.

The police were called and arrived to find a crime scene worthy of an episode of “Forensic Files” — 12 blood splatter-splotches on the ground and Monopoly money scattered all willy-nilly.

Both men were arrested after the battle royale and whisked to the hospital. The male Monopoly player was patched up and released by the police. The son, however, sustained serious, life-threatening lacerations to an artery and remained in the hospital. It’s unclear what — if any — charges he will face.

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Monopoly: come for the fun, stay for the carnage

Violence is no stranger to those who play Monopoly. Tulsa, Okla., man John Armstrong found himself in a booze-fueled, Monopoly-based fracas with his stepdad. The board game was tossed, and furniture was toppled. The fight stretched outdoors. Armstrong chased his stepdad and stepsister down the street. He pulled a handgun and fired — allegedly at the ground. Why he felt the need to bring his gat to family game night was not clear.

“There are no get out of jail free cards in life, and we put the cuffs on him and took him to jail,” Tulsa Police Officer Danny Bean quipped.

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