The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) would love to find a new boogie man virus to keep us locked down in November, perhaps to avoid the behind-the-shed beating Democrats know is coming. The question is, which virus will it be?
We have two contenders for now, though I wouldn’t be shocked if the CDC and their comrades at the World Health Organization (WHO) can witch-brew up a few more in the next ten weeks.
Contender #1: Monkeypox
The left went all-in on monkeypox to scare the bejeezus out of us but then had to hit the Bat ‘chute when they realized it was primarily affecting gay men. Now the klaxons have faded on what was supposed to be a tsunami of pox — so much so that leftists in California not only refused to cancel a recent gay fetish sex hoedown, almost ensuring a pox-a-palooza, but a gay men’s group also suggested simply hiding your pox blisters with clothing or band-aids and plowing full-steam ahead.
Here’s another dirty little secret the commies over at the CDC don’t want you to know: not one person in the United States has died of the dreaded monkeypox. That means that here in America, monkeypox patients have a 100% recovery rate — just a little bit better than the Bat Stew Flu survival rate of just over 99%.
FACT-O-RAMA! Johns Hopkins University states the U.S. recovery rate from the Hong Kong Fluey is 98.9% but this doesn’t factor in the tens of thousands, if not millions, of people who tested positive at home, like me, and never saw a doctor. Or the possibly millions of kids who caught it but showed no symptoms and weren’t tested at all. We will never know the exact survivablility rate, but it’s clearly better than the aforementioned 98.9%.
Good news! The vaccine-loving leftists are cashing in and helping the vaccine-industrial complex stuff their wallets yet again. Concerned people can get the two-dose monkeypox vaccine that “may reduce the likelihood of infection, and within 14 days, it may reduce severity of symptoms.” Where have we heard that before?
So the monkeyshines angle isn’t turning out to be the grenade-in-the-foxhole catastrophe the Democrats wanted. What’s next?
Contender #2: Polio
You may have heard that polio has resurfaced. The bootlickers at the L.A. Times are dutifully blaring the virus klaxon again. Intending to give us a case of the collywobbles, they wrote, “Delays in getting children vaccinated during the COVID-19 pandemic and antivaccination sentiment, in general, may be fueling the most serious threat of polio in the U.S. in years, raising alarms from New York to California.”
See what they did there? They hit the anti-vax crowd and then pushed the panic button — all in the first paragraph, knowing a lot of people won’t read the rest of the article.
Now for the sobering truth: Thus far, the United States has one case of polio. Traces of the virus have also been located in wastewater in two New York counties and in New York City. A California official wants to start testing their wastewater now, too. That’s how they get to say “from New York to California” — though I can’t find a lot of polio panic in the plebian flyover states, but that’s not important. Scaring people into hunker-down mode is the mission here.
Using polio to scare the virus-weary population won’t be easy. For starters, most of the pictures of polio patients are in black and white. There just hasn’t been a lot of polio going around the country for the last five decades. Most Americans have already been vaccinated. Another reason the polio ploy might bomb like a B-52 is that the population most likely to be affected is Hasidic Jews — pretty niche.
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If not polio or the pox, what does the Left have left with which to mess with the November election? Here are some ideas.
Contender #3: Dark-horse Viruses
Conjunctivitis: You can’t see the ballot if your eyes are covered in goop.
Prickly heat: If you have time to itch, you have time to b**** — but not to vote.
Rapunzel Syndrome: This malady causes people to eat their own hair. Ballots will be tossed out once you cough up a furball all over them.
Alice in Wonderland Syndrome: This illness distorts everything you see. Objects appear to be larger or smaller than they really are. It’s hard to vote when your ballot is 10 feet tall.
We have roughly 10 weeks until the red wave comes to enema the commies out of office. Don’t be surprised if the Democrats unleash waves of killer zombie squirrels.
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