Why Does the Government Hate Conservatives?

Many conservatives are surprised and saddened by the government’s recent attacks on us. The IRS has been targeting conservatives, the Department of Justice is going after Fox News, and the State Department fudged facts about Benghazi to help the Democrat president get re-elected. Conservatives feel hurt and angry that the government is actively working against us and in the interests of our political opponents, and we have reacted largely by pushing for retaliation. We want people fired. We want people in prison. We want a flat tax instituted and the IRS completely abolished. But before we take action and fight back, there is one question we should ask ourselves: Why does the government hate us?

I know it’s a question many conservatives want to avoid, but when you look at our actions you can see we’ve given the government every reason to lash out at us. We’ve been invading the government with people who don’t belong there — politicians who don’t even like government and want to strip it of power. And basically the Tea Party movement has been a big, violent threat to cut the government. Really, we conservatives have been doing everything we can to make the government hate us, and then we act surprised when it lashes out? That’s just the chickens coming home to roost.

And, of course, uncontemplative conservatives want even more attacks on the government, but isn’t that only going to worsen the problem? If, for instance, we abolish the IRS, isn’t such a harsh and scary act only going to create more IRSes? Well, I mean, not specifically more tax collectors — that takes an act of Congress — but more government agencies will strike out against us out of fear that they’ll be next on the chopping block.

You have to remember that the bureaucrats in government are a fiercely tribal people who base all their beliefs on an extreme ideology of government power. How did we think they’d react when we threatened to tear down all they know over some concept they’ve never even heard of — math? Did we think they’d really welcome us as liberators when we tossed them all out into the private sector — a scary world that demands things they can’t even understand, like productivity? No, of course not. Instead they did what seems logical to them: Fight against the invaders threatening them while rallying behind their supreme religious figure, President Obama.

So how do we stop these attacks by the government? Well, we have to stop our aggression first. It’s time to end all this rhetoric about violence aimed at the government’s budget. Tea Party organizations must stop talking about cutting spending and ending government agencies. And we have to be more careful which Republican politicians we send to D.C. Republicans have talked about spending cuts before, but everyone understood they never really meant it. But lately we’ve put a number of extremists in Congress who really do seem to be against government expansion. I mean, what would you do if you had a Rand Paul after you, trying to take away your money and power?

Also, we need to stop trying to put any sort of Republican in the White House. The last couple of elections have shown us that even the blandest, most watered-down Republican is an extreme threat to the government. The government wants an Obama — someone who will love and nourish it — and will fight tooth and nail against anyone else.

Once we take measures to not be threatening to the government, it should finally stop harassing us. And then maybe we can learn to live together in peace, simply paying the government whatever tribute it demands and abiding by whatever rules it decides to impose. And while we may witness the government committing some atrocities in the form of spending excesses and insane regulations, we will have to resist the urge to once again try to invade it and fix things. Because any future political attacks on the government will only give it reasons to come after us. So we’ll have to ignore the minor slights so we don’t anger it into lashing out in more extreme ways. Any attempts to reduce the government’s power will only make it worse — unless, you know, we completely obliterate it, reducing the government so much that it barely has any power over its citizens whatsoever.

Oh, actually, now that I think about it, I kind of like that obliteration option better than appeasement. Forget what I just wrote; instead let’s get a sledge hammer and smash apart this government until all those bureaucrats who think they can bully us are completely powerless to do anything but whine at deaf ears. Rubble don’t make trouble.