Why Obama Should Be Re-Elected

I think we really have a winner as president, don’t you? Barack Obama has been doing a great job running the country, always out there doing… stuff. Lots of stuff. Big stuff. President stuff. We’re lucky we have this guy, and it should be an easy decision to keep him around for another four years.


Now, there are people who say Obama has done an awful job. They go on and on about how he has no idea what he’s doing in the Middle East and cite all these statistics that show how bad the economy is, and it’s all rather dreary and depressing. No one needs that. Plus the suggestion that Obama has done a bad job as president is ludicrous. Quick question: Have you ever seen anyone go up to Obama and say, “I would like a dozen tulips”? No, of course not. No one thinks he’s a florist. It’s clear from the job he’s doing that he’s the president. So how bad a job could he be doing as president if it’s so easily recognizable that he is the president? Logic, people.

And the guy has done absolutely everything he’s promised… that’s mattered. Like remember how he said he was going to pass a big stimulus and keep unemployment from being 8%? Well, he passed his stimulus, and now unemployment… is not 8%. It’s an entirely different number than that. If you really didn’t want 8% unemployment, well guess what: You’re not dealing with that level of unemployment. Promise kept. And look at all the work he did for it: He spent $666 billion to bypass 8% unemployment. Could you spend that much money? No way. If I sat you down in front of a computer, logged you in to Amazon, and said, “Spend $666 billion,” it would be futile. You’d be clicking “Buy Now” until your mouse broke. But Obama did it; the man’s got hustle.


Obama also promised to get us out of Iraq, and he… started a war in Libya so we forgot all about Iraq. That’s pretty much the same thing. Another promise kept… approximately. And he used real outside-the-box thinking; Obama doesn’t do things the easy way. Like with getting ObamaCare passed — that was very difficult… especially since everyone hated it and didn’t want it. But Obama doesn’t care if something is difficult or unpopular or nonsensical or unaffordable; he just gets out there and gets it done. That’s a powerful president.

It’s already such an easy decision to say we should reelect him, but if you’re not convinced, there are tons of reasons why a second Obama term would be a great idea:


* We’d save on moving costs. You’ve seen the economy; we need to be pinching every penny we can. Yet we’re thinking of paying to move a new guy into the White House and sending Obama back to Chicago? Such unnecessary expenses do not put the country first.

* We don’t have to make a bunch of international phone calls. If we get a new president, we have to call all the other countries and update them on the change in leadership. Plus a new country was just added — South Sudan — which means even more work. Who has time for that?

* It’ll be a much simpler edit to Wikipedia. If a new guy is elected president, someone will have to go to his Wikipedia page and add the current president template and start an article about his cabinet — a lot of work for whoever it is that does that sort of thing. But if we keep Obama as president, they can just keep his page labeling him the incumbent and add an extra section saying, “2012 Election: Won it!” With all the spare time the Wikipedia editors will have, maybe they can get girlfriends.


* Reduced chance of another war. It’s estimated that if we have a Republican president, there will be a 74% chance we’ll start another war by 2016. If Obama remains president, it’s only a 68% chance. So if you don’t like war, do the math there. It’s an easy decision.

* We’ll keep unemployment from being 8%. If Obama is still president, his policies will make sure we don’t see that dreaded 8% unemployment rate for another four years, and he’ll do another stimulus or two to ensure that if he has to.

* We’ll finally find out what happens if we keep adding to our debt. We’ve added to the nation’s debt for so long now, and it doesn’t seem like much has happened so far. Still, many people say something awful will eventually happen. I say, though, if we get our debt high enough, we all win prizes. If Obama has another term, we’ll go full speed ahead and find out who’s right.

* It would be unfair to have him in the job market right now. So many people are unemployed and can’t find work, and we want to add someone else to the job market for them to compete against? That’s just mean. How would you feel if you were trying to get the one open register position at Walmart and then found out you were up against the former president of the Unites States of America? What chance would you have there?

* We can’t really afford to have a presidential election anyway. Presidential elections are costly; we’d probably have to raise the debt limit again to afford one, and Obama might not feel like doing that again. Better just to skip the election and keep him and avoid all the hassle.


So, when you look at all that Obama’s done and all the many advantages to keeping him as president, why are people even talking about an election? It’s crazy. It’s a done deal; we’ll keep Obama, and all those GOP candidates they keep trotting out can just give it up and go live in Crazy Town. We have a dynamic president who does stuff and spends money and wears a suit and just looks so presidenty all the time — for what possible reason would we want anyone else?

By the way, is Crazy Town a real town? Do you know if they have jobs there?



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