Time for another go -round of snarky quips. I'm always collecting these things into a separate file and posting them here when I get enough of them. Enjoy.
Uncle Ben was a credit to his rice.
If “undocumented migrants” aren’t voting, then why do Democrats object to ICE being at polling stations?
Is it just me, or are Nancy Pelosi and Kathy Hochul competing to see which one can get their eyebrows higher?
Remember that plague that wiped out the Amish because they didn’t get vaccinated? Yeah, me, neither.
Common sense is like deodorant — the people who need it most never use it.
I tend toward sarcasm because beating people with a baseball bat tends to be frowned upon.
Bipartisanship usually amounts to both sides agreeing that it's the other side's fault.
Government, by definition, is the redistribution of problems, not their elimination.
It interests me that the same people who believe a child of seven can understand the implications of having their genitals removed, also believe that members of their own party aren’t smart enough to get a photo ID. Maybe there’s a connection there that few have noticed.
Experience is knowing where the evidence is buried.
Campaigns tend to amount to: "Trust me, my excuses have improved".
The beauty of charging anti- ICE rioters with felonies is the moment they recognize that they can’t vote anymore.
Democratic Party policies are great if your goal is chaos.
I’m growing a little tired of being called a racist for supporting ICE. We get charged that we’re going after Brown people. Well, look, when you get 20 million people coming into the country from South America, Haiti, and Africa, they’re probably not going to look like Norwegians.
If I’m on “stolen land,” why am I paying property taxes?
On the one hand, Democrats tell us their voters are better educated. On the other hand, they tell us their voters are not smart enough to get a valid picture ID. Which way are we going, here?
I've noticed that the universe is totally indifferent to what is on my schedule.
ICE covers their face so they don’t get doxed by protesters. Meanwhile, protesters cover their faces so their parents won’t ground them.
You want to know why Trump is in the Epstein files, supposedly 38,000 times? Because Epstein and his fellow Democrats were emailing each other, trying to come up with ways to stop Trump.
There are folks who think outside the box. Then, there are folks who seem completely unaware that there actually IS a box.
It has been decided in the interest of fairness that all political speeches must now include one apology, two contradictions, a parrot, and a rodent of unusual size.
There is a thin line between pessimism and experience.
How is it that we let the Democrat party tell us they have high standards? I mean, we’re talking about the party of the Clintons, Al Sharpton, Joe Biden, Tim Walz, and Keith Ellison. Does not compute.
So, let’s take some inventory here. White Americans, even after 500 years, are invaders. White South Africans are invaders even after 400 years. But undocumented third-worlders who got here last Sunday are just as American as anyone else?
Don’t worry about the ice cube you dropped. Just kick it away. It’ll be water under the fridge soon enough.
Don Lemon is finding out there’s a major difference between reporting the news and BEING the news.
Know who won the Super Bowl? Anyone who didn’t watch it.
I’m forever fascinated watching people who set up snitch lines over COVID-19, calling the rest of us NAZI boot lickers.
To everyone on my Christmas list who got a book from me: They’re due back at the Library on Tuesday.
There’s a question going around: “Would you run through a mall naked for three minutes, for $70 million dollars?” Look, nobody goes to Malls anymore anyway, so, yeah, maybe. Of course, the real question is, can I run for three minutes anymore?
Seems to me that if you really want to live under Sharia law, you have 57 other countries to choose from.
Wait. So Bill Clinton is in hot water over a picture of him in a Jacuzzi?
They call them “Heated Seats” because “Rear Defroster” was already taken.
I was just trying to save a buck buying generic bird seed, but I think the birds can tell. They're eating it, but all I hear is cheap, cheap, cheap.
Imagine being in a political movement that feels it cannot win if Voter ID is required.
I can’t get over the feeling that if Alex Pretti was stabbed in the shoulder on a train by an “undocumented immigrant,” the left wouldn’t care at all.
Pink hair, carrying a sign saying “If Trump isn’t Hitler, I’m a moron.”
Me: “OK, you’re not getting any argument from me on either count”.
Reports have it that a Florida woman was arrested for wrestling a manatee in a Bikini in a public park. What I want to know is, where did they get the Bikini that would FIT a manatee?
