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My Mopar Wants to Kill Your Mama—Updated

Super Bowl commercials are invariably weird -- because weird is memorable! -- but one of the strangest was Chrysler's mournful and depressive ad this year. Buy our new car; it's built with the same "progressive" know-how that made the city of Detroit what it is today -- and if you don't, noted rap star Eminem will pop a cap in your Cordoba, holmes:

In contrast, the other division of Government Motors at least had some nostalgic fun with one of their ads:

What's that, Lassie? General Motors has fallen into the gravity well of debt and labor woes? Who can get it out?!

And in-between all the ads, there were more painful moments. Or as Daniel Foster writes at the Corner, "Everything that wasn’t the football game was pretty uniformly awful."

First we had to get past the dreaded Obama-Bill O'Reilly pre-game interview and Christina Aguilera screwing up the national anthem. Not to mention get through The Black-Eyed Peas' halftime "entertainment," which visually seemed curiously stuck in an uber-'80s mash-up of Tron, Max Headroom, and a cameo from Slash of Guns & Roses. (One thing that went wonderfully right was the reading of the Declaration of Independence by Colin Powell, Roger Goodell, and a squad of past and present NFL superstars. As a bonus, it probably made the same journalists inside the New York Times and the Washington Post who got their panties in a twist over Congress reading the Constitution last month squirm once again.)