"Lesson One: Rule First, Deification Later"

Forget commie hipster wannabe Saul Alinsky  — Julius Caesar, with a little help from Iowahawk, is kicking it really old school style, with Rules For Romans:

Anyhow, every since we got wifi at the Pantheon, I’ve been spending a lot more time online checkin’ out the dillyo back in the mortal ‘hood. That when I read about this choad praetor Rocco Landesman, saying that your new imperator Obamacus is “the most powerful writer since Julius Caesar.” At first I was LMFAO because, let’s face it, the Juice didn’t waste his prime warrior time word processing a bunch of papyrus scrolls. Word cuz, where I come from that kind of bulls*** is for light-in-the-sandals scribef**s like Livy and Plutarch. So I guess it was like hearing “Obama is the greatest chariot mechanic since Julius Erving.” But then I think about it, and I’m like, WTF? Obama’s palace ***lick is comparing him to me? Srsly?

Agrippa, please — act like you know. Skinny fool stages his own tribute in front of some brokeass styrofoam Roman columns, lines up some chump posse of media hagiographers and art school twats, and now y’all are like he’s some OG mac daddy Julio-Claudian baller. Well, the Juice is here to say there ain’t no half steppin’ in the SPQR. And before Obamacus starts wearin’ the old school coliseum laurel bling, punk needs to stop frontin’ and step his emperor game the f*** up.

Read the whole thing, for it does not svck.