Swift Boat Vets: Kerry was a egomaniacal jerk who turned three minor cuts and abrasions into three Purple Hearts, wasn’t trusted by his fellow officers, and stabbed his “band of brothers” in the back by calling them war criminals when he got back.
Kerry defenders: You don’t know that! You weren’t on the boat with him!
Swift Boat Vets: We were on boats right next to him. And Steven Gardner was.
Kerry defenders: Gardner doesn’t count! And you guys don’t count! Only the people on the boat really know what Kerry was like in Vietnam!
Chicago Tribune editor William Rood: I was on a boat next to him on one important day, and I say Kerry’s story is true.
Kerry defenders: See, the matter is settled!
Swift Boat Vets: Wait, he was on the next boat over. Why is his testimony trustworthy, but not ours?
Kerry defenders: Only Rood’s testimony counts! Everybody else who wasn’t in the boat with Kerry doesn’t count!