MASSACRE AT YAVIN

Happy Fun Pundit writes Star Wars from the point of view of Reuters or the New York Times:

In a surprise move that has left the world shocked and dismayed, the Rebel Alliance has destroyed the Empire’s Death Star, claiming that the latter was an instrument of oppression and violence. The Empire has issued a press release staunchly denying this, claiming the Death Star was a hospice facility, and calling for an investigation into the massacre of thousands of Imperial hospice workers at the hands of the Rebels Alliance.

A spokesman for Jabba the Hutt also issued a statement, proclaiming that such actions by the Rebel Alliance are “unhelpful to the peace process.”