Every day during the great Chinese WuFlu pandemic brings new humiliations for the citizenry of the world. The term “social distancing” is being used to foist indignities on adult human beings that we usually reserve for small dogs and children. Sometimes I wonder if reality is a simulation being run by a malicious game operator who gets his jollies by making us debase ourselves in heinous random ways. What else can explain this monstrous invention of putting grown-ups in giant baby walkers just so they can eat a meal? I’d rather starve.
This restaurant in Maryland intends to use bumper tables to keep customers six feet apart once it begins to take seated diners. pic.twitter.com/ReCLbzcowF
— CBS News (@CBSNews) May 18, 2020
This newest form of degradation is only one in a growing list of indignities we’re being told is “for our safety” including “human parking spots” in parks, and hats made out of pool noodles that make diners look like they’re reliving some kind of preschool helicopter fantasy. “Look, Mommy! I can fly!”
Not the Babylon Bee: Cafe in Germany Asks Customers to Wear Pool Noodles On Their Heads https://t.co/lhQHQapiE6
— PJ Media (@PJMedia_com) May 15, 2020
If restaurants carrying out the governors’ edicts can get you do participate in this “new normal,” it’s a clear message that the government can do anything to you without repercussion. Anyone willingly donning an instrument of humiliation deserves to be publicly shamed at a far greater level than people who refuse to wear a mask. Not only are these contraptions ridiculous but they are unsanitary. How many people touched that bumper table before you? How many heads were the hats on before you? Without these contraptions, you are not touching anything that isn’t on your person or possibly your table, which can be wiped down. The idea that we must now have all these other surfaces, which hundreds of people have touched, now touching us in order to get a meal is incredibly stupid.
You go ahead and do this if you want. But I’m reserving the right to point and laugh and write mocking editorials about you if you do.
Megan Fox is the author of “Believe Evidence; The Death of Due Process from Salome to #MeToo,” and host of The Fringe podcast. Follow on Twitter @MeganFoxWriter