Yo, Frogself! What’s Up?

First of all, credit where credit is due. Hat tip to MRCTV’s Tierin-Rose Mandelburg, who hosts Woke of the Weak!, for the headsup. It is a funny and fast-paced little feature, which will simultaneously have you laughing while looking in the back of the liquor cabinet for that bottle of Old Crow you somehow managed to pick up, to inoculate yourself against the fact that America is becoming a sideshow that could rival anything P.T. Barnum could contrive. In fact, America is quickly becoming a tent at Mr. Dark’s carnival in Something Wicked This Way Comes.

But you already knew that. Submitted for your approval, or maybe nausea:

First of all, what is a “neopronoun”? Never mind. It was only a matter of time until that word made its way into the language. After all, we live in the Pre-Orwell age, although that is ending quickly and I predict that by the end of the Biden administration, if not by this time next week, we’ll be at Full-Orwell. And frogself? Are you people just running out of genders and just watching back episodes of Wild Kingdom or Animal Planet? Why stop at frogs? Why not spiderself? Why not gazelleself? Troutself? How about playtpusself? And don’t correct my grammar. Like this generation, I’m making it up as I go along and coining brand-new words. Incidentally, I identify as a dictionary. So, if you have anything to say, please use dictionaryself.

We all know none of these people think they are a frog, platypus, aardvark, or anemone. This is simply an attempt to assert their true identity, or what they actually think they are, which is the center of the world. That is called being a narcissist. Put that in your pronouns. The purpose of the pronouns is not only to garner attention since they apparently have achieved very little in life, but also to kneecap you should you use the wrong pronoun. Then they can whine about the abuse they have suffered and their brave struggle because some poor slob at a gas station or supermarket didn’t know this person identified as a starfish.

This is what happens when you abandon reality and make TikTok the most important thing in your life. When the likes or whatever the hell it is you get from people you don’t know matter more than anything going on in the rest of the world. I guess we could tell them to get a job, but that might result in this:

(Warning: language)

You’re a full-time student? You got scheduled for 25 hours a week? Do you have any idea how many full-time students have busted their humps to get through college while holding down a job and, in some cases, taking care of kids? Do you know or even care how many Americans are working multiple jobs just to feed their kids? Welcome to the real world, son. I’ve met people who routinely walk miles every day just to get the water they need, and live in houses made out of other people’s garbage. Believe me, they would trade places with you in a second. You had to work 8.5 hours one day? Good lord, in my life, I’ve been a golf caddy, busboy, waiter, janitor, bartender, and housepainter, among other things. You know when you sign up for those jobs that the hours will suck and the work is hard. It used to be that the great thing about America was that while all those positions are real jobs, they can be weigh stations on the road to your actual career if that’s what you want. When I was in fire, there were plenty of times at the end of a long day we would get a smoke report. And as much as I wanted to go home and drink a beer, we were off to some remote part of the mountains or some other place, with no guarantee that we would be going home that night. Work is like that. Life is like that.

At 3.5 hours into your shift, there are “so many” customers and you have four people on the floor. And they were mad that you for not being fast enough. Well, it’s a Starbucks. People like trendy, overpriced coffee and let’s be honest: If you were the one waiting on your double-sorbet latte or something, you’d be impatient, too. And here is another glass of reality for you: For all the woke caterwauling Starbucks does, it is a corporation. It wants to make money. That’s why they tell wokies what they want to hear — to get their money.

Related: I Know the Woke Military’s Dirty Little Secret

Finally: misgendered? Hell, it’s your generation that decided to play fast and loose with genders to begin with. You dump the box upside down like that, don’t be surprised at the mess, Sunshine. Who knows what gender you are? You probably don’t even know. For all the customers knew, you were a man who identifies as a woman or a woman who identifies as a man. For crying out loud, you could have even been a frog. In which case, toughen up, frogself.

As William Faulkner once said:

One of the saddest things is that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day, day after day, is work. You can’t eat eight hours a day nor drink for eight hours a day nor make love for eight hours—all you can do for eight hours is work. Which is the reason why man makes himself and everybody else so miserable and unhappy.

Despite the veracity of Faulkner’s comment, work does not have to be like that. You can recognize that a job is a job and that you have the chance to develop things like a work ethic, organizational skills, and the ability to successfully interact with other humans, or whatever they call themselves. A job, even a temporary one, can give you the tools you need to succeed at other jobs.

Dry your tears, get up off the storeroom floor, and go be something, already. There are too many of you for us to hand out Kleenexes to everyone who has a breakdown. If there is an upside, God only knows what kind of weirdness you will have to deal with out of the people who are coming up behind you. Shame I won’t be here to see it, because that is going to be comedy gold.