N.J. High School's Mystery Pooper Found—and It's the Superintendent

Humans are strange, especially when it comes to poop. Holmdel High School in Holmdel, N.J., has been the target of a mystery pooper. Human feces has recently been found on or near the football field and track field on a daily basis, but no one knew who the defecator was. Until now.

Surveillance was set up to find the poopetrator (can you blame me?), and it was discovered that the guilty party was none other than Thomas Tramaglini, a Monmouth County resident—and the Kenilworth Public Schools SUPERINTENDENT. Yes, the man who is in charge of the school system in Holmdel, and is paid nearly $150K per year to do so, has been relieving himself almost daily on the football field.

so the superintendent of kenilworth got arrested for SHITTING ON A TRAck in holmdel LMfaooooo pic.twitter.com/fdhdOfzBRi

— B (@biancaxbenitez) May 3, 2018

Needless to say, Twitter had a field day (sorry again) with this one.

Overheard in the newsroom: "Yeah, hold on one second, I just have to publish something about a superintendent pooping." https://t.co/dxTFp106RZ

— Jessica Remo (@JessicaRemoNJ) May 3, 2018

Can you blame them?

Bravo @njdotcom for the push accompanying this story: https://t.co/y4ReehVaql pic.twitter.com/AXIV9LkoH3

— Kevin Wendt (@kwendt) May 3, 2018

Actually, this is pretty close to a bad Scooby-Doo…

This is like the world's worst Scooby Doo ending: "Mystery pooper at N.J. high school's track turned out to be superintendent, cops say"

https://t.co/gU83KZLIfd

— Steven Lemongello (@SteveLemongello) May 3, 2018

He would've gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids and their dog! @alexnapoNJ @njdotcom #poop https://t.co/7wPUmEtVLg

— John 🤦🏼‍♂️ Shabe (@johndshabe) May 3, 2018

Tramaglini will get paid leave following this scandal. Not a bad paycheck for his extracurricular activities:

"Tramaglini has taken a paid leave of absence from his $147,504 a year job in Kenilworth."

Making 150k a year and you're out there pooping on a high school football field "on a daily basis"? https://t.co/KFdujeKYN5

— Andrew Martonik (@andrewmartonik) May 3, 2018

Here was the entire charge:

Thomas Tramaglini, a Monmouth County resident, was charged with public urination/defecation, dumping litter and lewdness in Holmdel, NJ. #njed #jerseyshore #njnews https://t.co/HYaPljeaMO

— Steph Solis (@stephmsolis) May 3, 2018

And as to why a superintendent would choose to spend his time secretly defecating on school grounds? No one knows just yet…