After President Donald Trump pardoned Lt. Gen. Mike Flynn, Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.) suggested the president should go on a pardoning spree. Gaetz said Trump should pardon the Thanksgiving turkey, his administration officials, himself, and even Joe Exotic. Why stop there? I have a modest proposal: Trump should pardon the dastardly Democrats for stealing the 2020 election.
Yes, stealing the election is a heinous crime, but the president has the authority to pardon the most notorious of criminals. After all, former President Barack Obama commuted the sentence of convicted terrorist Oscar Lopez Rivera, the leader of the Puerto Rican terrorist group Fuerzas Armadas de Liberación Nacional Puertorriqueña (FALN). FALN took responsibility for 130 attacks in the United States and at least six deaths. An unrepentant Lopez-Rivera was serving a 70-year sentence when Obama set him free.
If Obama can pardon Rivera, why can’t Trump pardon the Democrats who stole the election?
Also, perhaps if the nefarious Democratic officials who forced dead Americans to vote for Joe Biden in record numbers are pardoned, they will confess to their dastardly crimes. Perhaps Trump’s use of the pardon power will provide the crucial evidence the president needs to “stop the steal” and overturn the election.
Since Trump seems so certain the Democrats stole this election from him, he should extend the olive branch and pardon them for it. In doing so, he would show his magnanimity and broadcast the message that a horrible crime had indeed taken place.
Pardoning the Democrats establishes the narrative that the election was indeed stolen, and the Democrats can finally let slip exactly how they did it.
Who knows, maybe he can even pardon Dominion, Smartmatic, and Hugo Chavez.
Note: This article is satire. The author does not claim that Democrats did indeed steal the election, a disputable assertion that would require a tremendous amount of evidence to prove. However, since it is 2020, the author takes no responsibility for predicting the future if these pardons do actually happen.
Tyler O’Neil is the author of Making Hate Pay: The Corruption of the Southern Poverty Law Center. Follow him on Twitter at @Tyler2ONeil.