Hey Democrats — Learn How to Read Without an Emotional Support Drag Queen

Let me begin by recalling a simpler time, when parents in the United States were secure in the knowledge that they could send their children to public school and not have them subjected to a “drag queen story hour.”

My K-12 experience was comprised of seven years of Catholic school and six years of public. The public schools I attended were OK. There were a few standout teachers along the way. I am forever grateful though that I was in Catholic school when I was at the age where the foundation of the fundamentals was being laid. Nuns were teaching me how to read, write, and do multiplication tables. In what turned out to be one of the greatest blessings of my life, they weren’t particularly concerned with my self-esteem during all of that.

I may not have parlayed my math knowledge into a career as a rocket scientist, but I used my very good reading and writing skills (Thank you, sisters!) to speak and write for a living. In the immortal words of the late, great, Meatloaf: two out of three ain’t bad.

We studied phonics to learn how to read back in Olden Times. It’s a method that has proven to be effective for a long time now. For reasons that make sense only in the ideologically diseased mind of an American leftist, phonics has now given way to something called a “drag queen story hour” as the preferred method of getting the kiddies fired up about books.

It’s as if progressives can’t crack a book or turn on a Kindle unless some dude wearing garish makeup and a Jill Biden upholstery dress is shaking his oversized derriere in their faces. I not only wouldn’t be able to read if I were subjected to that, but I also probably wouldn’t be able to keep food down for several weeks after.

One of my biggest problems with drag queens is that they’re all under the impression that they are talented entertainers when they are neither. There are no particular skills required to put on makeup, throw on a dress, and dance poorly. If any of them actually could dance they wouldn’t need the scary-lady clown costumes. Drag queens are garden-variety attention whores who have opted for the easiest of entries into the world of faux entertainment. If they ever went into stand-up, they’d be prop comics.

Not surprisingly, my social circle is light on people who frequent drag shows at bars, libraries, or, well, anywhere. That’s OK; I’m more than comfortable with tossing out some sweeping generalizations about those who do. What’s more, I know that I will be almost 100% right about them.

First, I’ll wager safe money that you won’t find a lot of books in their homes. If they do have a lot of books, they’re most likely self-help and diet tomes full of advice never taken. Or nothing but Oprah’s Book Club recommendations that have yet to be opened. Hanging out at the public library drag queen bump and grind makes them feel well-read.

Second, these people undoubtedly believe that they’re morally superior because they’re earning their “Inclusive and Tolerant” merit badges in the Woke Scouts every time they attend a drag show.

“Mommy and Daddy are good people because we support our neighbor Leonard/LaShay’s dance career. Now run along and help him tweeze his nipple hair before the show. Maybe he’ll read you a story!”

I have never been the kind of political partisan who dismisses his political opposites as being stupid. The Democrats, however, are starting to make me think that the only ones among them who can read are drag queens. If that weren’t the case, would they be defending drag queen story hours so passionately? It really does seem like the hill they’re willing to die on. If drag queens can’t read to them anymore, the poor Dems will never be able to find out if their attempts to censor all of the scary unwoke words from beloved children’s classics were successful.

Even in 2023 America, adults should be able to do whatever they want to as long as it isn’t hurting someone else.

Or being done in front of children.

The Democrats’ abandonment of absolute moral truths has not only blurred the lines between adults and children when it comes to what is appropriate, but it’s also erased them altogether. Joe Biden’s creepy habit of sniffing children is pathological and, more than likely, predatory. The drag queen oral tradition fans are all OK with him whiffing the toddlers.

It’s worth pointing out here that I’m not exactly a starched-collar Puritan. I mention that in case there are people reading me for the first time. Those who frequently peruse my work or have seen me live know that I have a warehouse full of freak flags that I occasionally fly. Trust me, America, if I say something is weird, you’re not going to want to go near it unless you have a hazmat suit, a truckload of bleach, and an exorcist with you.

The drag-queens-for-kids advocates are pervy, weird, and the greatest reason yet to hope that we’re all sims and this game is about to come to an end.

Stop being weird, pervy, and disgusting Democrats. Learn how to read. Watch the video below for a time-tested, drag queen-free method that will help you. Everyone else should watch it too because it’s really humorous.