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Winter Storm Jonas Wallops D.C. with Blizzard Conditions

A snowplow clears U.S. 220 south of Clearbrook early on Jan. 22, 2016, in Roanoke, Va. (Stephanie Klein-Davis/The Roanoke Times via AP)

Winter Storm Jonas was turning into a monster Friday afternoon, barreling up the East Coast with a direct hit on Washington, D.C.

Forecasters had warned about the storm for days, and by midday it had dumped nine inches of snow on Waynesville, N.C., before covering part of southern Virginia with seven inches of snow.

The storm was expected to intensify as it was moving north into an area from eastern Kentucky up through New Jersey, with as much as two feet of snow expected to fall through Saturday.

The worst of Jonas’ wrath could be felt in the Appalachian Mountains into the mid-Atlantic, according to National Weather Service forecasters on Friday morning. More than two feet of snow was expected in that area, which included Washington and Baltimore.

“Strong winds will combine with snow to produce life-threatening blizzard conditions,” the NWS forecasters warned, adding that as many as 65 million people could be affected by “a potentially paralyzing storm.”

Washington D.C., Virginia, and Maryland officials declared a state of emergency before the storm hit. New York Mayor Bill de Blasio issued a Winter Weather Emergency Declaration Friday morning.

“From delivering extra meals for homebound seniors to de-icing our roads and bridges, we are taking every step to prepare our five boroughs for the coming snowfall,” said de Blasio. “We are urging every New Yorker to stay out of harm’s way and look out for neighbors so we can all make it through this storm safely.”

The New York Times reported close to 4,500 airline flights had been canceled as of 3 p.m.
EST. American Airlines canceled all of its Saturday flights to Washington, and
Philadelphia and Washington mass transit systems shut down for the weekend.

Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe put 500 National Guard members on standby in case they were needed to respond to the storm.

Okay. Admittedly, that is a very dark cloud. But here is the silver lining:

Let the party begin.

With more than three feet of snow on the ground, you know nothing is going to be moving. Just remember what happened one year ago during Winter Storm Juno.

As the New York Post reported: “Popular dating app Hinge had a 47 percent spike in activity across the East Coast during the two days of snowfall. The average user logged on five times each day — two times more than usual — as the storm pounded cities like Boston and merely dusted NYC.”

The thirst was everywhere: Craigslist gained some desperate postings for “Juno blizzard girlfriends.” One Tinder user — whose profile went viral on Twitter — even revamped his bio to make it crystal clear what he was seeking on Juno eve: “Park Avenue and 61st for the Blizzard. Let’s party.”

But you have to get ready. Serendipity is highly overrated. So here’s what you’ll need to make the most of Winter Storm Jonas.

In Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love, Dr. Diana Kirschner wrote that you need to first prepare your mind. Outline the sexy scenario that you want in your imagination first. It might be a good idea to take notes that can be referred if things slow down. “Imagine your partner in your fantasy,” she wrote, “it is a great way to heat yourself up.”

You’ll need to keep your smartphone charged in case of a power outage, but it can also help charge up your blizzard downtime. You need not do the full Anthony Weiner, but Shape recommends to women (and there’s no reason it won’t work for guys): “Turn the heat up a bit more by texting him a photo of you in a sexual position you want to try later that night with a note like ‘All I need is you.’ Get him thinking about all the dirty things he wants to do to you later. Build that tension, girl!”

Here’s hoping you’ll enjoy the Winter Wonderland of the blizzard to be left by Winter Storm Jonas.