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Ted Cruz Can't Run the Country – He Can't Even Keep His Kid Off TikTok!

AP Photo/Patrick Semansky

Dear Sen. Cruz,

I know parenting is difficult. I have two teenagers myself and a seven-year-old who is driving his teacher (and his parents) batty. But the teens are a special kind of tough. There’s all the pressure of social media, which has been exacerbated by the COVID-19 lockdowns and lack of socialization. I get it. It’s tempting to let them have access to places their friends are, like Instagram and TikTok. But at what cost?

Right now, LGBT rags are using your 13-year-old daughter as a champion for bisexuality, claiming that some post she made on TikTok is a declaration of membership in their club. (I will not link the group; they don’t deserve the traffic.) Ted, you could have stopped this two weeks ago when the leftist media was using this same daughter’s post about “not agreeing with” you to make a fuss, but you didn’t. And now, because of you and your failure to act, your kid’s sexuality is trending on Twitter.

She’s 13. 

Why in hell haven’t you confiscated her phone? I’m a semi-public figure with nowhere near the amount of exposure you have, and yet I’ve sat both my girls down and given them the talk about what is and is not appropriate to say in public about this family. Both of them have been told in no uncertain terms that if they ever publicly post anything about their parents that is disrespectful or snide, they will lose access to their devices until they can buy their own. They understand this. They haven’t tried it yet, and while I don’t think they will, everyone is aware of what will happen if they do. The hammer — which is what we call what happens when you piss off Mom and Dad — will fall. Don’t you have a hammer in your house that your kids are worried about, Ted?

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Why is this concept so difficult for a man who claims to be a conservative? You want to lead this country one day, don’t you, Ted? Lead your family first. A lot of people on Twitter are coming to your defense and criticizing the media for using your daughter’s posts and, while it’s true that any media who report on a minor’s social posts to hurt her dad are scum, you’re the real problem. 

You’re the one who pays the phone bill. You bought the devices that she’s posting on. Your marriage is intact and your wife’s not trying to undermine you for some custody dispute. What the hell are the two of you doing? Are you trying to be the next Kellyanne Conway, whose problems with her child spun so far out of control that it ended up with lawyers trying to emancipate the kid and a potential cringy reality show?

I do not understand the reticent attitude you are displaying. This is the second time your minor child has made the news on social media — social media you shouldn’t even allow on any of your devices because it’s a Chinese spy tool! It does not give me confidence that you could deal with Iran with the kind of toughness that situation requires if you can’t handle a 13-year-old having a rebellious phase. You look like a simp loser. Stop it. Man up, remove the phones, and put her to work scrubbing floors and doing dishes until she feels something like gratefulness again for the things you’ve provided her with.

Your kid is spoiled. That’s the main problem. You’re allowing your teenager to have control of the news cycle. I can’t think of a worse scenario for a man who wants to be thought of as the most powerful man in the world. Yikes. The other day, I wrote an article about why you’ll never be president and I didn’t think you could top that blunder (calling J6 prisoners terrorists), but here we are. You’ve done it again.

Here’s my seasoned advice. March up to her room now and remove all electronic devices, even the ones for school. She is now a paper and pencil learner. Put those devices in a safe and lock it. Don’t even tell your wife what the code is, in case she might be moved by tears. Then tell your daughter this:

As long as you live in my house, you will respect me and your mother and our rules. You will not get those devices back until I know you will never again betray your family in such a gross and inappropriate way with them. In the meantime, we will spend time together repairing what’s broken. I will play board games with you, build puzzles, or read you stories. I will take you with me to the Senate and you can be my intern when you’re on school breaks. That’s going to be your entertainment from here on out. This is my fault because I have ignored you and I have not given you the attention you crave. You now have all my attention, morning, noon, and night. You are my new best friend. 

And then do it: repair your relationship with your daughter. She matters more than your political ambitions (which aren’t happening for you after this and that awful moment the other day).

Be a better dad, Ted, because you’re never going to be president. Your kid needs you more than we do.