Let’s see how many old-timey words for “nonsense” I can squeeze into one article about 56 years of climate change balderdash.
Soap-dodging prairie fairies have been ringing the Chicken Little climate klaxon for at least five decades. That means we are celebrating more than 50 years of “the sky is falling” horsefeathers.
Every climate gloomster has one thing in common: when it comes to their grim predictions for the planet, they’re all batting zero.
A lot of them also seem to ignore actual climate-related emergencies, like the ongoing train derailment trauma in East Palestine, Ohio, where residents suffered vomiting, rashes, nose-bleeds, and bronchitis as they watched their pets and livestock die.
Let’s take a look at some of the greatest pork pies ever told about the yet-to-be-seen calamity that will end humanity and deliver the planet back to the apes.
How Dare You!?
Let’s start this party by clown-slapping the snarling, climate-sourpuss Greta Thunberg female Al Gore, who flies around the world on jet-engined sky killers to smilingly “get arrested” in front of conveniently located media cameras.
Thunberg, arguably the most famous doomtard representing planet Earth, insanely predicted in 2018 that every human would be snuffed out if we didn’t ditch fossil fuels by the spring of 2023.
BREAKING: Greta Thunberg deleted a tweet from 2018 that linked to an article that claimed climate change will end human life on earth by 2023. pic.twitter.com/MFRi4zz9nw
— Antonio Sabato Jr (@AntonioSabatoJr) March 12, 2023
[checks calendar]
Here we are in the middle of the summer of 2023, defiantly existing.
FACT-O-RAMA! Being a gloom merchant has, according to Wealth Magnet, made Thunberg a millionaire. The 20-year-old climate doom-peddler owns three cars worth over $100,000.
Already Too Late
The earliest example of climate Nihilism I could find was written by none than the granddad of nature-death, Paul R. Ehrlich.
Ehrlich — the Detroit Lions of doomsday predictors — wrote in 1967 that, even though it was “already too late,” the world needed to embrace “involuntary birth control” and even spike “staple foods and drinking water” with sterilizing agents lest the population grow to the point that we suffer from worldwide famine, the worst of which would clobber the human race by 1975.
[checks calendar]
Nope, we are still here, and, despite speculation that we would be eating Soylent Green by now, Americans are fatter than ever!
Live Short and Unprosperously
The 1970s was the decade of disco, bell bottoms, and Ice Age applesauce.
In 1970, “scientist” James P. Lodge, Jr. predicted air pollution would obliterate the sun and usher in a new ice age.
DISCO-RAMA! In the 1970s, we debated whether the world would end with an ice age or a swarm of killer bees.
Lodge further warned, “If the current rate of increase in electric power generation continues, the demands for cooling water will boil dry rivers and streams of continental United States.”
His timeline for our icy deaths: the first 30 years of the 21st century.
[checks calendar]
Mr. Lodge Jr.’s grim forecast has less than seven years to come to fruition.
The ice age tommyrot continued throughout the 1970s, culminating in a ridiculous hoarfrost holocaust warning by none other than Star Trek’s Leonard Nimoy.
As it turns out, we were not relegated to the land of the woolly mammoth. Ice didn’t swallow and freeze us for future humans to thaw out, open our stomachs, and learn we gorged on Big Macs and bourbon as we accepted our icy tombs. The climate doom-mongers needed another approach.
It’s Raining Death, Hallelujah!
The 1980s were all about the acid rain apocalypse.
Acid rain was to fall from the heavens and burn nature to the ground. Coal-powered factories were going to be the cause of sulfur dioxide-laced rain that would kill our crops and melt our faces like Nazis in “Raiders of the Lost Ark.”
Hollywood jumped on the bandwagon. An episode of Diff’rent Strokes showed a character whose hair turned green because of the acid falling from the clouds.
After ten years and half a billion dollars spent on ridiculous studies, it turned out only one species of tree was affected, and those trees were only found in high altitudes.
Turn Up the Heat
With the ice age and acid rain tomfoolery snugly tucked away in the history books, the doom crew needed another looming climate-related tragedy to give us the collywobbles. “Global warming” was born.
In 1988, The New York Times assured us the planet had spent the decade getting warmer. The weather trauma had been ongoing for eight years, and we hadn’t noticed. The Times warned us ice caps would melt. Polar bears would drown and also die of sunburn, and the earth would flood Noah-style.
The New York Times told us Manhattan’s West Side Highway would belong to Davy Jones’ locker by 2019. Water would slosh over New York City and fish would traverse Manhattan’s busy freeway.
[checks calendar] [checks Google Earth]
It’s 2023 and traffic on the West Side Highway is moving smoothly.
Did the New York Times tuck their tale and admit they were wrong? Nope. They recently repeated their claptrap and simply moved their water-world timeline to 2050.
Here is an interactive map posted on July 20, 2023, showing parts of New Jersey, New York City, Long Island, and even Laguardia Airport succumbing to the supposed impending floods, now expected by 2050.
BANDWAGON-O-RAMA! In May of 2014, French Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius boomed that the planet was a mere 500 days away from “climate chaos.” He was wrong.
If you have time, inter-active your way south on that map. The science compliers believe Charleson, S.C., New Orleans, and much of the Florida Keys are doomed to be awash in sea turtles.
What Have We Learned?
We could do this all day, but I need to go destroy my gas-driven car, change my evil, climate-killing light bulbs, and slaughter millions of cows to save the planet from exploding in a cloud of bovine flatulence, all of which have been determined to be rapture-tastic threats to the planet.
You can check out 50 times the eco-panic patrol got it wrong, some of which I included above.
I might be wrong. Perhaps the climate crisis is real this time. I’m sure the globalists haven’t hijacked the eco-doom-and-gloom pity party to control us, keep us weak from lack of protein, and keep us from traveling, thus making it easier to surveil us 24/7.
What kind of enviro-hating stooge would doubt that hooey and, worse, write about it?
Related: You Gonna Finish That? Meat, Plane Rides, and Clothes Are Gone in 2030, Say WEF Commie Prags
I count nine old-timey words for “bull****” in this article about 56 years of climate change scare tactic blitzkrieg. A record!
Editor’s note: An earlier version of this story contained a link to material that was factually inaccurate. We apologize to our readers for this error.
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