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Colleges Are Now PAYING Students to Be COVID Rats

AP Photo/Steven Senne

I remember when college was fun. (I didn’t go, but my friends told me about it.)

Today, in a move that would make the Gestapo giggle, colleges are paying students to rat on their rebel peers who refuse to comply with the school’s COVID guidelines.

“Student Health Ambassadors” are prowling their school grounds, on the lookout for those filthy, science-embracing guttersnipes who dare to wander campus without a mask or walk closer to friends than social-distancing Nazis prefer (even though scientists have determined that social distancing was, in part, based on outdated science).

The University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) seems especially Stalin-like in their crackdown. Their Student Health Ambassadors KGB kids have a “whistleblower hotline” for students to squeal on their non-compliant friends as well as university staff. They will ask for “papers please” to see if students have filled out their daily clearance forms, which are required for students and faculty before walking onto campus.

UCLA has 1st and 2nd level offenses by which to judge the guilty:

  • 1st level offenses are defined as unintentionally breaking the school’s COVID guidelines. The first offense will get you a printed sheet of COVID protocols. The second offense gets you a letter of scorn from the dean’s office. Strike three and you can be suspended or expelled.
  • 2nd level offenses include failing to provide contact tracing information, lying on their daily clearance form, refusing to isolate or quarantine when told to do so, i.e., not following the Bolshevik COVID rules. Getting busted for one of these crimes can result in getting booted from school.

FACT-O-RAMA! UCLA charges resident students $34,667 and non-residents $63,669 per year to indoctrinate your kids into communism.

Good news: The student Stasis wear Health Ambassador vest/t-shirt combos, letting everyone know they are narcs. They work two- or three-hour shifts, at $15 per hour, posting themselves outdoors in busy areas, making sure everyone is wearing masks, and breaking up groups of students enjoying college life together. I guess they missed that 66% of New York’s COVID cases were shut-ins.

Student COVID cops at Washington University in St. Louis wear bright yellow shirts that say, “If you can read this you’re too close.” They hand out gift cards to sycophants who obediently ignore science and play by the school’s inane COVID rules.

New York University, Penn State, and Pepperdine have also employed students as COVID dictators.

FACT-O-RAMA, Pt. II! As per the CDC, 41.8% of sexually active college-age women and 20.4% of college-age men never use condoms. Maybe wearing masks aren’t the biggest problem on college campuses.

Do Masks Even Work?

That depends on whom you ask. The former surgeon general, Jerome Adams, and World Health Organization (WHO) bigwig Mike Ryan said no early in the pandemic.

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) says some masks work better than others.

Related: Lightfoot in a Game of ‘COVID Chicken’ With Cops: It’s Not Going to End Well For Her

Remember the good ole days when president Pee-Pants declared that we must get vaxxed OR wear a mask? Pepperidge Farm remembers. So does Twitter.