We are truly blessed to have a leader like Barack Obama. His mere presence invigorates the soul, and his words move us all to be better people. He is, in fact, so great that we recently had to send him abroad so the rest of the world could admire him in person and dispel the rumor that he doesn’t actually exist and instead is a Hollywood invention made using puppets and CGI. He truly is The One, as elder sage Oprah deemed him.
But is President Obama the world’s greatest leader?
In typical arrogant American fashion, we assume so, but is it really true? I suggest there is another even more magnificent than the Obama. Insanity, you say? Obama is a pure diamond, so what could be better? How about a diamond smothered in melted gold with a side of bacon. And that diamond is Kim Jong Il of North Korea.
Kim Jong Il has been in the news recently after launching his Taepo Dong 2 rocket — the largest and most powerful of the Korean Dongs. He is a much more reclusive figure than Obama; while Obama is admired the world over (Germans love Barack Obama!), Kim seems to focus his greatness in only his own country.
And if the North Korean press can be trusted, that’s almost more greatness than one country can handle.
They describe Kim Jong Il as a “peerlessly great man” who is said to have the “organizing ability of leading millions of people” and is “the greatest of great men produced by heaven.” Similarly, Obama has been described in American media as “the agent of transformation in an age of revolution” and as “a lightworker — an attuned being.” CNN’s Jack Cafferty said, “It’s almost as though our president was born to do exactly what he’s doing.” Songs are written throughout North Korea to proclaim Kim Jong Il’s greatness, but there are also songs written to praise Obama, such as “Yes We Can” by will.i.am and “Personal Jesus” by Depeche Mode. Throughout North Korea, there are paintings of Kim so all can admire his poofy hair and leadership, and here in America there are posters of Obama and many paintings of him (often with him naked and riding a unicorn) so we can see his smile and be assured that everything will be alright. Furthermore, it appears that Kim has supernatural powers, as it is said that when he was born “frost exploded with the sound of firecrackers” and “lakes thawed with such a noise that it caused mountains to shake.” Not to be outdone, Obama said that when he was elected would be “when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal.”
So both Barack Obama and Kim Jong Il are greatly admired by their people and are possibly magical demigods who exist for no other purpose but to lead us, but who is the better of the two?
First question would be: who is smarter? It is without question that Obama is quite smart as it has been said over and over by everyone that he is very smart. In fact, it has been asserted by so many different people that Obama is smart that you’d have to be a conspiracy theorist (and probably a racist) to claim that Obama is anything less than a combination of Einstein, Stephen Hawking, and Simon from Alvin and the Chipmunks (the tall one with the glasses). It was even claimed that Obama might even be too smart to be president and our small brains might just not be able to comprehend him. Luckily, this fear was unfounded as we now see that Obama is the perfect combination of both Papa and Brainy Smurf.
But what of Kim Jong Il? It is said he used his brilliance to develop North Korea’s broadcast industry, repair auto engines, and find more efficient ways to farm and to work steel. He’s penned operas and plays and even movies that have won many awards … in North Korea. I don’t know exactly what Obama has used his intelligence to accomplish though (probably because I’m too feeble-minded to understand), which makes this a hard comparison.
So when deciding who would be a better leader, I guess it comes down to who would win in a fight. Obama is said to be athletic and loves to play basketball. But Kim Jong Il is said to be an accomplished fighter pilot (despite being afraid of flying) and general. Also, he’s had such physical feats as bowling a perfect 300 his first time trying (compared to Obama’s 37 his first time bowling — or at least I hope it was his first time). Also, Kim reportedly shot eleven holes-in-one his first time golfing, while Obama is only an average golfer (apparently there is more to being the world’s best golfer than being half black). That does make Kim seem more impressive, and while I don’t want to stereotype, being so accomplished and in Asia, you have to assume he’s a master at several martial arts. And with the many comparisons of Obama to the Prince of Peace, Obama is probably not much of a fighter. So this seems like an easy win for Kim Jong Il.
So while we are certainly blessed beyond measure to have Barack Obama as our president, it does look like Kim Jong Il edges him out as the more impressive being when you compare accounts of the two. Thus, while we should take pride in our leader, we must also humble ourselves when we look to North Korea. What must it be like for them to have a leader even better than Barack Obama? They’re so isolated, it’s hard to know, but I can only assume it’s like living in the future with jetpacks, robot maids, and talking dogs.
To be fair, I should note that if the praise for the leader of North Korea seems a little effusive, it could be because someone could be imprisoned or executed if they say anything that displeases Kim Jong Il. I don’t know what the American media’s excuse is.