Our Foreign Correspondent Covers the Revolution
Note the following is satire, even though it is just about precisely what actually happens:
A man stands in a square, somewhere in the Middle East, screaming slogans: “Jihad is the only way! Down with America! Death to Israel!” An American reporter approaches.
“Excuse me, sir, but I’m an American journalist and wonder if I might ask you some questions.”
“Sharia is the only…Oh, sure, just a moment.” The man clears his throat, “Long live democracy! Up with human rights!” He turns to the reporter, “Hi, my American friend. Have a nice day! What do you think of the Red Sox’s chances? Of course, they could use more depth in the bull pen!”
“I wanted to ask you what you think of America.”
“America? Very nice place. I might like to live there some day if I’m sent on a mission. We love Americans. We just don’t like their policies. They support Israel. They support our local dictator. If only they would change their ways we could be good friends.” He reaches into his pocket, “Have a sunflower seed!”
Reporter takes copious notes.
Another demonstrator comes up behind the American reporter. The first man mouths some words in a whisper, “Ide-hay the oran-kay!”
“What are your views of politics?”
“Me? I’m a moderate liberal who just wants peace and democracy.”
Reporter takes more notes. “Are you afraid of Islamists?”
Shakes head. “Oh, no, no, no. They are very reasonable people. Very moderate. And if they aren’t moderate now they will be when they get into power. And if they aren’t moderate when they get into power they will quickly become moderate after you give us—I mean them—a few billion dollars.”
The reporter smiles and takes even more notes. “There are some people—though they are right-wing racist stupid and uneducated extremists to whom nobody should pay any attention—that think Islamism is a threat. Your reaction?”
“Ha, ha, ha! You are very funny man!” he replies while waving to another guy behind the reporter to put away the sign reading, “We believe in death, you believe in life!” He continues, “You see once anyone has to collect the garbage and fill the potholes they couldn’t possibly be radical. Suppose the Muslim Brotherhood has to run a school? What are they going to teach the students other than practical skills that will help them get a good job? It’s not as if they’d teach people to be professional suicide bombers, or something!”
“And think of all the good things we—I mean they—will do. All women will get new clothes to wear that protect them from the sun! All Christians will be given useful new rules that will help them to live better…and longer. There will be no more poverty because Islam—and international loans—will fix everything!”
“But what about all the radical talk during the election?”
“Oh, that? It’s nothing, just talk to get votes. You do the same thing. Your Republicans go around threatening to cut taxes, regulation, and government spending. Well, our extremists speak of wiping out the Jews, destroying America, and imposing a Sharia dictatorship. It’s just intended to help them win in Assiut, a swing province. Nobody takes that stuff seriously!” He turns to look at a woman who is passing and spits in her direction, “Hey, you! Put on proper clothes or we’ll teach you the hard way!”
“I think she’s another Western reporter.”
“Oh, well that’s okay then. Just kidding around.”
"And so there's no significant extremism here?"
"Hey, you should talk about extremism! I hear from your media that there's this group called the Tea Party that goes around cutting off people's heads and blowing up things."
Reporter turns toward his cameraman and says, with the deepest voice he can muster and the most portentous intonation, “There you have it….”
Cries of, “Kill the Jewish pigs!” can be heard in the background.
The reporter continues, “As you can see, this is a liberal democratic revolution that poses no threat whatsoever....” The rest is drowned out by chants of, “Death to America!”