Hypnotize Undecideds to Become Comfortable with the Notion of ‘President Romney’
One reason why undecided voters remain undecided is that they are uncomfortable with newness. If forced to choose between the familiar and the strange, they tend to retreat to the familiar — if the two options are otherwise similar. But what if the familiar option is now damaged goods? The hesitant chooser then faces a dilemma, whether it’s best to stick with the flawed product you know, or to take a leap of faith and anoint an unfamiliar new product the status of best friends forever.
And thus they become paralyzed with indecision.
Decisive people never face this dilemma. If something fails, they have no problem discarding it and replacing it with a superior substitute. But hesitant, un-self-confident people have difficulty visualizing something that doesn’t already exist. And that makes it difficult for them to make changes in their lives.
This is especially true with momentous decisions. It might be possible, on a brave day, for a hesitant person to test out a new ice cream flavor. But to vote for a total stranger to be president? Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, that’s more than I can handle. It’s so much easier to vote for the existing president because, well, because he’s already called “President.”
Yeah, sure, everyone tells me he’s not a very good president, but I just can’t visualize someone else as president, because, well, because the other guy isn’t called “President.”
Those of you who vote according to your personal convictions or out of a political philosophy might find this kind of dithering hesitancy to be incomprehensible. But it lies at the root of why some voters, even this late in the game, remain “undecided.” It’s not really that they’re undecided, but rather that they haven’t quite yet come to terms with the notion of “President Romney.”
Such people need a little extra encouragement to internalize “President Romney” in their mental vocabulary. And once they become comfortable with the concept, they will feel freer to embrace something new and vote for Romney, because the notion of “President Romney” will no longer be strange and unfamiliar.
Furthermore, if you haven’t made up your mind at this stage, then you are completely resistant to words, arguments, logic, rationality, and information. Your mind must be approached at a subconscious level, perhaps through the pineal gland.
To that end, I have created a new video specifically aimed at undecided voters. It serves one purpose and one purpose only: To make viewers familiar with and comfortable with the phrase “President Romney.” To achieve this, I have carefully overlaid an ever-growing crescendo of voices repeating “President Romney” on a hypnotic visual background, in this case the “Hypnotoad” character from the TV series Futurama.
Behold HypnoRomney:
If you’re reading this analysis, you’ve almost certainly already decided whom to vote for; this video is not aimed at you. Instead, it is aimed at those people who are teetering on the edge of voting for Romney, but first need to become at ease with the concept “President Romney” before pulling that lever for him in the voting booth.
So, I encourage everyone reading this to repost this video wherever you can, especially in non-political Web environments, or in the kinds of places where undecided voters might congregate (presuming there are such places).
To make sharing easy, here is the URL of the YouTube page with the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwOVD7z-gqA
And here is the YouTube embed code, for those sites that require it:
<iframe width="640" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/JwOVD7z-gqA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
And here is a link to the page itself:
We’ve tried reason. We’ve tried emotion. Now let’s seal the deal with hypnosis!
Brilliant.
Cute Zombie,
Must be those buggy eyes
You could start an entire line of froggy-hypno products.
Hypno-toady*
Those undecideds who are afraid of newness would rather stay home than decide on the damaged good because by nature the undecideds cannot decide.
That means the undecideds are more likely to be registered voters who are unlikely to vote than likely voters who can’t wait to vote.
How can this possibly work without the authentic Hypnotoad buzzing sound?
See, this is why we can’t have nice things.
It DOES have the authentic Hypnotoad buzzing sound! Just listen carefully — it’s underneath the “President Romney” part.
I wanted to leave in the buzzing, but not let it overwhelm the more significant fronted portion of the audio. I did my best to reach a middle ground. Should the buzzing have been louder? That’s for the historians to later dissect, after this video alters the course of world events.
“If Obama is re-elected, I’ll wish everybody else was dead!”
“Dissect”….get it?
I think “undecideds” are- 1. deliberately messing with pollsters. 2. Afraid of repercussions for opposing Obama, and too polite to tell pollsters to shove off. 3. So stupid, probably won’t even end up voting.
I think your three categories are correct.
Gee! I can’t decide whether it might work or not. On the one hand, it might. On the other hand, it might not. These are really tough decisions.
P r ǝ s i p ǝ u ʇ R o ɯ u ǝ ʎ
P r ǝ s i p e n ʇ R o m u e ʎ
P r e s i p e n t R o m u e y
P r e s i d e n t R o m n e y
President Romney
I hope they get it by Nov. 6th.
You startled me. I thought you were a Ronpaulian for an instant.
Zombie may need to put this on an Obamaphone app labeled “free stuff”. Push “1″ to know, push #2 to go to #1, push #3 for no other options, push #4 for language selection, and so on. No party affiliation is required.
Herr Hussein Obama’s campaign strategy is woefully inadequate to maintain him in a serious action such as Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are putting to him. He has corruption in the coop, hate on the hoof, taqiyya on the tongue and bats in the belfry — that’s his campaign strategy. He can probably maintain himself in the type of fighting Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are giving him in Mexifornia and a few states on the North East front. After that it will make no difference how many thousands of dead he has voting for him early and often, and with Americans wanting America and the Presidency back, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan will give it to them. Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are making Obama howl.
Don’t count out counting said votes in Communist Spain, which, if I’m not entirely mistaken, was where it all started.
(See: “For Whom The Bell Tolls”. They certainly haven’t.)
I do the opposite. I always vote for the new guy, mainly out of spite. That’s Obama right?
Zombie, you crack me up. You go girl!
If you are undecided at this point of the process, you should probably stay home on election night and sort through your decorative thimble collection.
I just checked, 32000 people just voted early…for the frog.
Bada-bing!
“One reason why undecided voters remain undecided is that they are uncomfortable with newness. If forced to choose between the familiar and the strange, they tend to retreat to the familiar — if the two options are otherwise similar. But what if the familiar option is now damaged goods?”
The “Independant” grows fussier and sucks his thumb a little harder?
That’s what the Ryan debate was all about. Hypnosis.
Noone likes a rude young man, but when the young man simply sits there and suffers abuse, the Jesus switch starts to twitch. When the abuser looks stupid, abusive, and clownish, the actual hate gene is triggered. That’s the Jesus paycheck. Just ask Mel about that. Two thousand years later, it’s still a hit. (Hey, God Himself installed it. It’s gotta’ work!)
Mitt is a problem solver. He needs to get that squishy, stupid, lazy blob to pull the lever for him. All the “independent” wiseguys who are above the fracas; above mere Politics; above the scuffle.
They are unapproachable through the frontal lobes, being blocked by masses of sheer granite; one must aim for the medulla, itself. Do we drill through it; do we blast it with siege guns; do we mine under it? How ’bouts we finds us duh guy widda’ key, on the inside, who lets us all in, quiet and civil-like, while nobody’s even awake? That’s called Problem Solving, at its very best.
Some jerk actually told me he would wait to see what they were offering! Like they ever tell the truth; like they have it in their power to offer you any damn thing. Like how frikkin’ stupid ARE you?
This guy is retired on a fancy pension from a private company that I happen to know ain’t so healthy like it should be. (KODAK, anyone?) It’s just coughing up a little blood, now, but the VERY IDEA! that they could actually stop paying him to do nothing has not yet even penetrated his stupid head! (See, “KODAK”, which should shock every person over forty-five to their very core! Like, OMG! (for you idiots with your heads into your idiot iphones…OOO…watch yer haid…oh, that’s got to smart). A sinecure with KODAK was a thing to treasure; a thing to love; a given membership to the local Country Club; a clean pass to the “cool” crowd! Our younger friends should think, “KODAK, 1970=APPLE, 2012. Except: WAY BETTER!!!)
I am a brutal person. I’d just call ‘em stupid and have done with it.
Thank God that Romney is some kinda’ frikkin’ SAINT!
Thank God, Indeed.
Ummmm…folks….listen carefully: I would swear that for awhile in the middle of this it morphs gradually into “President ZOMBIE”…be careful!
Right now, I’d take Robot Chicken.
At least, he has integrity.
I dunno…..I mean, I know Obama is taking us off the cliff and we’ll all be screwed if he is re-elected. But I’m undecided. I sure hate to turn out a sitting president and ruin his day.
omg, a hypno-toad reference…….I LOVE IT!
Is that a frog in your throat or are you just happy to see me?
SOMEBODY HAD TO SAY IT!
*hangs head in abject shame*
Actually, this is a great theory, and I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. Kudos!
If you’re a “personality test” kind of person, this fits right in with the DISC, where the “S” is stability. High S people will resist change and seek to maintain the status quo, even in the face of an unpleasant existing reality.
After finding out some key players in my office are High S people, it helped explain their serious resistance to change, even though that change made so much logical and rational sense. As stated – rationality, logic, the current terrible conditions – none of these things are enough to jostle a “stability seeker” out of their inertia. Often, it requires a major crisis to force them to accept a change.
The more I think about it, the less likely I think it is that undecideds really decide elections. Those people are far more likely to stick with the status quo. I think elections are really about who can get the highest actual turnout.
I think you’re on to something.
“and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.”
What if some voters croak first?
Zombie, your stuff is always great! Never fails to crack. me. up. Thank you so much for!!!! You are a gem. Truly. (ribbit)
ALL GLORY TO ZOMBIE.
Heh.
That is awesome!
Don’t know why, but must vote for President Romney…
Thanks, Zombie, your articles always make me smile and laugh.
Can I suggest a new title for this article? The Eyes have it.
Uh-oh, Zombie, you’ve just opened the door for HypnoObama utilizing “HypnoMrHankey”. HypnoMrHankey will draw flies AWAY from HypnoToad!
Crap. I think I just gave a winning counter strategy to Zero… D’OH!!!
Yes!
Visualization and sending telepathic messages also works. I spent election night, 2004 doing it with Ohio. I sat down with an atlas, and, county by county, sent telepathic messages saying, “It is safe to vote for President Bush. You can feel ok voting for President Bush.” He won Ohio by 2.1%. Did I help? I don’t know. But I didn’t hurt. After all, people say prayer works. Sending telepathic messages to human beings is basically the same thing, depending on what you believe.
Done. Because I’m all about helping.