The Great Mosquito Hawk Crisis
July 11th, 2002 - 7:51 am
[Ed. Note: This piece was originally written in 1991. It has been updated through the years with the names of various girlfriends and significant others, but remains otherwise unchanged. Good for a much-needed laugh while you watch your retirement savings melt away. Enjoy. P.S. Yes, I was trying much harder back then to be Dave Barry.]
It
So I had to go googling to find out what a “mosquito hawk” is. Apparently it’s one of the following:
1. A 32 lb.motorized Go-Ped scooter ($549)
2. A 410 lb. Subaru-engine 82 HP gyrocopter ($6500 — some assembly required).
3. A design firm in Roanoke (physical specifications not available).
If any of these got into your bedroom and you chased it around nekked with a can of Deet, I want film.
‘Round here, we call those varmints “snake doctors.”
That’s not what they called’em in Missouri or Northern California. But behind the Redwood Curtain, folks are just a bit different.
So, does this mean you are in favor of raising taxes right now?
Next time, a bit of warning not to read this while in a meeting?
I’ve heard them called both “Mosquito Hawks” and “Mosquito Hunters” down in SoCal’s Mojave.
Yeah, so much so that (insert something witty) and we couldn’t help it.
Kal
This guy has real talent. Very good.
And don’t you think the Mosquito Hawks would be a great name for a rock band?
I am not making this up.
Ha ha.
Booger.
Can apply for Dave Barry’s job now?