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Roger L. Simon

Another iPhone 5S Review You Don’t Need

September 28th, 2013 - 7:14 pm
roger_simon_as_capt_kirk_9-28-13-5

Actual product may not match illustration. Ditto the author.

I  am a loyal vassal of Lord Steve.  Even after his death, I follow his orders explicitly.

Dutifully, at exactly 12:01 AM on September 20, 2013, I ordered my iPhone 5S, color “space grey,” on the Apple site.  It was slated for arrival September 26, but arrived one day early at my house.  That’s what happens when you are loyal to Lord Steve.  (Also, you get numerous emails such as… “Your iPhone is in Dong Ding, China.” “Your iPhone has left Dong Ding, China.”  ”Your iPhone is in Anchorage, Alaska, freezing its butt off.”  ”Your iPhone has just gotten a ticket on the Ventura Freeway and will be delayed, etc.” Then, finally, “Your iPhone is here.  Answer the door, you idiot!”)

And so you do. You immediately, drop everything, rush to the door, pull the box apart (stopping a mini-second to admire the smashing dee-sign) and fire it up.  Even if there were nuclear war, that’s what you do.  Remember this 1980 cartoon?  In 2013 she’d be holding an iPhone (and don’t give me any of your Android lip).

So no sooner did the UPS guy bring my anointed  5S (it was “space grey” — I stayed away from the gold/champagne thing lest my enemies get the idea I was moving to Palm Springs and celebrate), than I pressed the familiar button (these things haven’t changed in a decade after all) and off I went.

At which point… things… slowed…to….a………..crawl…. then…..a……………..halt.

What was up?  My brand new iPhone wasn’t working. And Steve was dead.

Turns out I made a mistake.  I was restoring my phone from the “cloud” — at the same moment  about fourteen million people were doing the same thing, not to mention another seventy-eight million in Guangzhou — instead of using iTunes like any doofus with an IQ in triple digits. But soon enough things loosened and by morning (well, late morning) my new iPhone was ready to go.  (“Why do you have so many apps?” my wife and daughter always asked.  Well, now I don’t.  I learned.)

Comments are closed.

Top Rated Comments   
Your problem is that you own a Chevy.
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
"I am a loyal vassal of Lord Steve. Even after his death, I follow his orders expliciitly."

He's not dead, he's in Colorado.
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (34)
All Comments   (34)
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Page views slow Roger? The ultimate click troll maneuver . . . mention Apple!
38 weeks ago
38 weeks ago Link To Comment
Hey, Rog;
Has that hat been broken in yet? How many miles?
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
Lawdy, lawdy;
Not only is PJMedia trying to generate revenue from one of the most Neolithic comment programs in use, they're reduced to doing info-mercials.
Post a financial statement for PJMedia if you want a new high in click totals.
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
Apple being Apple -- i.e. the company that thinks if your computer, phone or tablet is more than a few years old you're a philistine no deserving of their attention -- owners of older iPhones soon won't have a choice but to upgrade, because Apple will stop supporting their devices and the apps on those devices will no longer work without newer versions of the software (iPad 1 adapters from 4-4 1/2 years ago not only can't download iOS7 onto their devices, Apple didn't even make an iOS6 version that worked with the original iPad. And ask any Mac owner who still has a Motorola-chip desktop or laptop in operation how dealing with new products/software releases is going -- you can still run lots of Windows 98 software in a pinch on a Windows 8 computer because of backwards compatibility, but lots of Apple stuff built less than a decade ago are moving closer and closer to becoming chrome paperweights because nothing new will run on them, and if your Intel Mac isn't on Snow Leopard or later as its operating system, you're also digitally SOL).
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
I could not care less about the IPhone 5S, but I have been looking at the photo shop wondering which Star Trek character that body belongs to.
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
From the looks of the uniform, it's the body of William Shatner's Captain Kirk.
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
Two words: Tiny Screen!
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
I miss Southwestern Bell...
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
Every time I have to update iTunes or the iOS on my phone it takes hours -- I mean hours -- with multiple computer restarts. Total pain. You better set aside a free day to do it.
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
Wonder what sort of PC you have. In my experience last week, latest iTunes downloaded & installed in minutes. Took my iPhone about twenty min. or so to download & install the new iOS on the first day it was introduced. Unless it's just an incremental upgrade, always best to avoid iCloud.
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
"it’s like getting behind the wheel of a BMW."

This is a delusion in fact the iPhone is like getting behind the wheel of a 1972 Mercury Marquis, comfortable and it will get you there eventually but only if you stick to the designated route.

If you like a nice comfortable restricted pen to live in then the iPhone is for you, if you want to be able to do what you want and not Apple wants you to do look then elsewhere. Android and Windows Phone hardware is every bit as good better in some cases and their OSs are a lot more flexible.
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
72 Marquis! Very nice!
38 weeks ago
38 weeks ago Link To Comment
Luckily for many, what they want to do coincides with what Apple designed for them to do; I think it's called compatibility. Meantime Android lives on with its status as a cumbersome OS with many more vulnerabilities to glitches & viruses.....
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
Glad to hear you are enjoying your new toy, Roger.
42 weeks ago
42 weeks ago Link To Comment
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