Because we know sifting through over a quarter of a million documents can be time-consuming for the average citizen and therefore somewhat daunting, Pajamas Media has hired a dozen dolphins from Sea World to go over the voluminous material. Working non-stop for several days, they have boiled it down to its essence.
Berlusconi likes girls.
Sarkozy likes himself.
Angela Merkel is boring.
David Cameron is more boring.
Hillary thinks Cristina needs a shrink.
Benjamin Netanyahu can’t stand Ehud Olmert.
Al Qaeda hates America.
Yemen’s president hates Al Qaeda
Ahmadinejad is Hitler
North Korea likes Iran.
Saudi Arabia hates Iran
Julian Assange is Dennis Kucinich.
PFC Manning will never see the sun again.
America needs a new president.
Bravissimo to those brilliant dolphins. Wish one of them were POTUS and another were Secretary of State. No, wait. I wish the whole Cabinet, Senate and House of Reps were all dolphins. What do we have to lose?
You wish! The dolphins say no. The dolphins are too intelligent to bankrupt their future on “hope and change”.
It’s enough to make me want to krill myself.
“Julian Assange is Dennis Kucinich.” Heh! The perfect analogy. Having spent the early years of my life in northern Ohio with a ringside seat to Dennis the Menace’s demolition of Cleveland, I should have thought of it myself.
Never lived in Ohio–that’s probably Chrissie Hynde’s fault–but I have to agree wtih Odysseus. They are peas in a pod.
Roger,
Your cleverness is overwhelming.
made my day !:D
Whale of a tale, Roger.
Did you come up with this article by accident or was it on porpoise?
Had to be said. Sorry.
Hillary is the one who needs a shrink. At least Christina isn’t wandering her executive mansion and talking to portraits of Eleanor Roosevelt…
But she is channeling Eva Peron
America would be better off having Obama and his circus sift thru the Wikileaks stuff and letting the dolphins run the country.
In other words, nothing we didn’t know yesterday.
Nope. Nothing new here.
Thank you for saving me the time; if only all communications were so succinct.
Forgotten in the “big picture” story and the humor are the sources that provided the inside information and intelligence. Some of them will be identified and killed as spies.
So it’s true: dolphins are intelligent.
They can read this stuff, so that’s a clear indicator of intelligence, yes… but that they were WILLING to do so is a much stronger indicator in the other direction.
Uh oh, what’s this I see, A list? I see a contest coming. I’ll go first: Larry King loves viagra.
Thanks. I needed that.
Dear Roger
As a representative of the International Brotherhood of Tunas I see you didn’t hire no Tunas. Not that I’m prejudical or nothing about dolphins you understan, but there are too many unemployed Tunas on account of all these illegal dolphins swimming up from the south. It would be such a shame if you should meet up with a Barracuda one night with all your dolphin friends down at Seaworld stuffing the slots with what they got offa you.
Joey da Tuna
These dolphins have done a tremendous public service! Pajamas Media should keep them on staff. They could write regular summations of Andrew Sullivan (Sarah Palin is scary!) or Obama speeches (You’re not listening well enough, America!).
Dolphin News Summation: that’d be great!
Thank you dolphins! (I was avoiding reading all that Wikileaks stuff on porpoise.)
Thanks for all the fish!
Damn, those be smart dolphins!:)
Oh God, it’s 8th Grade all over again at the State Department.
Was this on porpoise? No. Obviously.
Just for the halibut.
Summary : “America needs a new president.”
Eh, not quite as creative as the manatee writers for Family Guy.
Egyptian blogger Sandmonkey had the best take on this (via his Facebook status):
“I believe the world will probably deal with this the same way regular people deal with post-one-night-stand-hook-up awkwardness: Everyone had their fun but seen each other naked and now they just wanna do their walk of shame and pretend it never happened.”
Cats are smarter than dogs: how smart are the dolphins that they would agree to do something which might endanger their mental well being? They must really like us, to sacrifice themselves for us. No way cats are sacrificing a thing for us. Cats would have found this work boring. Dogs might not have done as well in their analysis, but would be willing to help us out. So, are dolphins smarter than dogs and more obedient? Or just more obedient and not as smart?
Then he was hit by a boat, Julian Assange
He was torn wide open from groin to throat, Julian Assange
He said to the dolphins, “Please help me.”
The dolphins said simply …continued
America also needs a new Secretary of State.
But definitely not John Kerry — he’s a flipper-flopper.
Outta the park, Roger! My Democratic wife is laughing her head off also!
Thanks a ton for sharing this with us you really know what you are talking about! Bookmarked
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You still got it.
Sarah Palin’s in the right place at the right time.
State Department cables mostly amount to petty gossip.
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.