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NYT Bombshell: Women Prefer Manly Men

Turns out progressive views of equality aren't an aphrodisiac...

by
Bethany Mandel

Bio

February 7, 2014 - 11:51 am

The New York Times has come to a surprising conclusion. This:

apron

isn’t sexy. Really. It took a feature-length article in the magazine to explain to readers that when men act less like men, heterosexual women want to have sex with them less. Despite women being told that they want men more involved in traditionally female household tasks like cooking, cleaning and childcare, when men actually do so, wives find their husbands considerably less sexy.

Another “surprising” revelation: equality in a marriage, especially in the bedroom, was a major turn-off for women.

A desire for equality, and the lack of desire that equality can create, may make scientific sense, even as it challenges conventional wisdom. As Daniel Bergner has written in his book “What Do Women Want?” and in this magazine, many studies show that women often report fantasies, like those involving submission, that tend to be inconsistent with our notion of progressive relationships.

The word “submission” was used four times in the piece, a radical concept for radical feminists.

Last month Candace Cameron Bure, of Full House fame, set off a firestorm when she suggested while promoting her book that the secret to her marital happiness was the fact that she let her husband take control.

“I am not a passive person, but I chose to fall into a more submissive role in our relationship because I wanted to do everything in my power to make my marriage and family work,” the actress writes in her book.

During a recent interview with The Huffington Post,Cameron Bure explained what she meant.

“The definition I’m using with the word ‘submissive’ is the biblical definition of that,” she said. “So, it is meekness, it is not weakness. It is strength under control, it is bridled strength.”

“And, listen, I love that my man is a leader,” she said. “I want him to lead and be the head of our family. And those major decisions do fall on him. … It doesn’t mean I don’t voice my opinion. It doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion. I absolutely do, but it is very difficult to have two heads of authority.”

“In my marriage we are equal … in our importance, but we are just different in our performances within our marriage,” she said.

For these statements the former child star was lampooned by feminist sites like XO Jane, which mocked the concept of gender roles that Bure and social conservatives defend:

I had the pleasure of listening to Phyllis Schlafly explain how feminism was ruining women: liberation turned women into confused sluts and emasculated men (clutch all of the pearls!).  It was, of course, both an all-purpose salve and a blame game: If your marriage wasn’t working, that was your fault for rejecting biblical womanhood. Reject instead secular notions of gender and equality, celebrate your femininity, be submissive, and live happily ever after. And do it, even to the detriment of your family. 

Conservatives are lampooned daily for their supposed anti-science views. Now that science has reinforced the importance of traditional gender roles within households, will progressives continue their push for total marital equality? If so, conservatives will have the last laugh… all the way to the bedroom.

Bethany Mandel is a graduate of Rutgers University with a BA in History and Jewish Studies. Previously she worked as a teacher in rural Cambodia, as an online fundraiser at The Heritage Foundation and most recently the Social Media Associate at Commentary Magazine. She is currently a work-at-home mother. She has appeared on CNBC's The Kudlow Report, Huffington Post Live, BBC World's World Have Your Say, and is a regular guest on "Powers to the People" on Talk Radio 1380am WNRR. She was chosen by The Jewish Week as one of its "36 Under 36" in 2013, an annual list of individuals reinventing Jewish life. She lives with her husband Seth Mandel, an assistant editor for Commentary Magazine, in New Jersey.

Comments are closed.

Top Rated Comments   
So women don't find Pajama Boy sexy? Who'd of thunk it?
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
As some Roman author said, when you give up "stereorypical gender roles" you don't get equality. You get men without courage and women without shame - cowards and sluts.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
Today's more die-hard feminists are weird people who don't know the simplest things about how the world works. They seem like very uptight people. Since they constantly profile men, define themselves within that profile, and that profile is always negative, they are nothing more than bigots. All their self-contradictory rhetoric is just window dressing to disguise their disdain.

For feminists interested in abstract notions of equality, I recommend assaulting the selective service web site en masse and signing up for the draft. That will happen precisely never. Failing that, build some statues to our war dead, the typical male, and then count the stars in the sky. When you get to one million, you still won't have America's male war dead, so keep counting those souls you disdain so much.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (53)
All Comments   (53)
Sort: Newest Oldest Top Rated
Accept diversity until it confronts your preconceptions.
The liberal mind is a closed book.
I am old enough to remember the funny line from the Batman TV series, "Poor, deluded child." Spoken by a protective Batman about the foolish young woman under the criminal's spell.
It's millions now who act as the deluded child, but certain they are virtuous and brave.
The Gods of the Copybook Headings have not gone away.
44 weeks ago
44 weeks ago Link To Comment
To all Feminists: I am done, finished and over with your baseless whining and complaining. If you want to be a CEO of a company - then go for it. If you want to be like Sandra Fluke and have sex with anyone and anything every day, then go for it. If you want to be a single mom with 300 kids - then go for it. If you want to try and be a policewoman, then by all means go for it. However, a couple of guidelines and a word of advice: I WILL NOT PAY for anything you want to do - if you have sex and get diseases or wanted pregnancies or AIDs, then you PAY FOR IT. If you want to be a CEO of a company, then work hard for it on your merits - no special treatment and I DON'T PAY FOR IT. If you want to be a policewoman - you have to pass the same tests as men do - NO EXCEPTIONS. I don't want a 98 pound weakling female trying to protect me from some 240 pound man who wants to hurt me unless you are proficient with a gun - that means you pass the tests and have the cojones to fire and kill someone when needed. Word of advice: Be careful for what you wish for.... The public school system in America employs 85% women. Besides the fact that if this figure was 85% men you feminists would be having mad cows (like the loser feminists Rachael Madcow) and filing lawsuits, the public school system is the single most economically hurtful failure in this country - RUN BY FEMINISTS and RUINED by FEMINISTS. My advice - shut up and move on. You have lost the battle and the war and I am sick and tired of hiring your baseless crap. Signed - the biggest anti-feminist female in the country and proud of that!!!!
44 weeks ago
44 weeks ago Link To Comment
MANY of the opinions of the Left are purely reactionary. They take "conservative" positions, and reflexively oppose them. That's why it is so difficult for them to come up with an overarching set of principles that guide their decision-making. What underlying philosophy would lead you to passionately support abortion and gun control simultaneously? I don't know what ties those two together, except that traditional conservatives tend to dislike abortion and favor gun access. Same with traditional family roles. Conservatives tend to be ok with them, so the Left feels compelled to screw with them, even if the result is that nobody is happy.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
" I don't know what ties those two together"

Read Marx, and you'll know.

While you're at it, read the Humanist Manifestos.

44 weeks ago
44 weeks ago Link To Comment
I think both the PJM and the NYT author miss the forest for the trees.

I find it highly doubtful that the issue is the men doing the chores. I expect it is the reasons they do the chores. Like most social science studies, this one had very poor methodology. In order to really draw the conclusion everyone is trying to take from it (women should do all the cleaning), you would need to control for the environment in which the chores are being done by the men.

I'm betting the issue is not chores, but power. If a man cleans because he wants to clean, there is no loss of power. If a man cleans because his wife told him to, he has lost power.

Men don't clean as much as women because it doesn't bother us as much (in general). Numerous studies have shown this, and even figured out some of the reasons. So if the men are cleaning, it is because they are being told to clean by their wives (or at least in an effort to keep their wives happy). This is a form of submission, which is weakness, and women are turned off by weakness.

I'll bet you Gordon Ramsey got plenty of tail in his day. It's not because he cooks, or is rich, or is good looking. It's because he's a confident and aggressive person. Chicks dig that.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
Bingo. Being a manly man doesn't mean you can't clean, cook or anything else associated with "womanly duties" it's a matter of how you project yourself.
44 weeks ago
44 weeks ago Link To Comment
"I'm betting the issue is not chores, but power."

Interesting point. I would tweak it a bit maybe. I think the issue isn't power per se, but respect vs. humiliation.
When I was young, stupid and newly married I thought cleaning the bathroom would be a good use of my unemployed husband's time. Off I went to work trusting in his reasonableness. When I arrived home my reasonable husband threw the soapy sponge down at my feet and declared that he shouldn't have to do such work.
Years later, I am wiser and I see my husband more clearly. He's right. Cleaning toilets is something no man should have to do. I have cleaned the bathroom every week since then. A man derives his sense of self-respect from the work he does. Today he mops the floor for me. And for himself. He installed that floor and cleaning it reminds him of his accomplishment and he keeps it maintained to his standards. In the end chores should be done by the person for whom it is important. And there is no humiliation in any job well done.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
"Cleaning toilets is something no man should have to do."

Well that's a bunch of BS. Plenty of men clean toilets. The truth is that your husband has a problem cleaning toilets and you do it for him because you love him.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
I was an enlisted soldier for years before being commissioned as an officer. I cleaned plenty of latrines, which includes scrubbing toilets, urinals and whatever else. And we mopped, waxed, and buffed floors. Shined shoes and boots. Polished furniture. Made beds. Maintained extremely neat closets, desk drawers and footlockers. Ironed clothes razor sharp. Etc. Nothing "unmanly" about any of it.

I've been married nearly 40 years now. I work out of the home. So does my wife. We're empty nesters. We split all the home and yard work. It's based upon natural inclination. But I scrub the toilets and showers. My wife does all the floors. We alternate on laundry. She cooks. I clean up afterward. And so on.
44 weeks ago
44 weeks ago Link To Comment
I'm with you on this one, jmarie. I clean toilets, and I expect my sons to, as well. When children are sick, I clean up vomit and feces, as needed. I change diapers.

That's what real men do.


There is nothing demeaning about honest work.

44 weeks ago
44 weeks ago Link To Comment
Couldn't agree more. Real men do what's necessary to take care of their family. Whether it's cleaning toilets, doing the dishes etc.
44 weeks ago
44 weeks ago Link To Comment
"A social study is an elaborate demonstration of the obvious
by means that are obscure."--Bill Bennett
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
Well, at least now I have a better excuse for striking out all the time than the one I used to use (i.e., grumpy, old, and ugly).
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
When things go bump in the night, has a woman ever said, "That's alright honey, you stay here, I'll go see what it is?" Heck, I still have to kill the spiders.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
Wow, between this and the groundbreaking "Men Like to Stare at Boobs" study -- http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/10/29/shocking-study-confirms-men-love-looking-at-boobs/ -- the leftists must feel like they're living in bizarro world. Or what us sane people call "reality."
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
I think one problem with this whole debate is that the feminists (broadly defined) are debating a straw-man definition of manhood, i.e. one where men are knuckle-dragging sociopaths. Real men do not fit into these stereotypes and this also might be a reason that men are "dropping out" of society...just a thought..
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
Good point. I also think many of the most vocal feminists don't like men much to begin with so creating a straw man they can hate isn't a stretch. Women who really love men (like me) are not going to feel oppressed by men because we think they're too much fun. lol
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
Sexual attraction isn't dictated by femimarxist theory; it's genetic, and genes aren't reading Marx and Friedan. This is evident to any person with a brain, whether it functions or not.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
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