All That's Missing Is the Unicorn

This sad story tells itself, thanks to one Canadian reporter’s Twitter stream, but some background is still in order:

During protests and “occupations,” Canadian Indians have a history of attacking journalists, soldiers, police and even ordinary civilians.

It just happened again.

When the RCMP finally tried to break up an anti-fracking blockade in New Brunswick, Indian protesters responded by setting the Mounties’ vehicles on fire.

Mainstream reporters were on hand, of course — although it’s hard to film out-of-control demonstrations when protesters seize your camera equipment and news truck:

[Laura] Brown was covering the aftermath of the violence that erupted in the area Thursday when RCMP, acting on a court injunction, moved in to disperse a three-week-long blockade of seismic testing equipment owned by SWN Resources.

Brown was among a group of reporters looking at the wreckage of a police vehicle that was torched on Thursday, demonstrators clashed with RCMP officers armed with riot gear.

On Saturday morning, Brown and another reporter were subjected to threats and later had their equipment seized.

According to the report she did manage to file (but which I can’t embed here), Laura Brown repeatedly insists that the protest had been “peaceful” up until that moment — even though she tweeted photos of torched RCMP vehicles just minutes before being accosted.

As for what happened to her, Brown recounts that belligerent Indians ordered her out of her truck.

She complied for some reason.

When she asked them if she could at least retrieve the station’s camera and sound equipment out of the truck, the protesters told her that the equipment “belonged to them” and seized that too.

I’m not a lawyer, but I’m thinking that sounds an awful lot like car-jacking and theft over $5000.

‘Warriors’ seize @01LBrown car, camera equipment at N.B. shale gas protest site: http://t.co/ZwXnSbzuFK #Rexton #elsipogtog

— Globalnews.ca (@globaltvnews) October 19, 2013

Laura Brown didn’t see it like that, though.

In fact, she quickly jumped in to make excuses for her attackers:

Making a statement-to be clear,it was only about 5 people – They should not blanket the rest of those inv. w/shale gas movement @Global_NB

— Laura Brown (@01LBrown) October 19, 2013

Let’s pretend that Brown’s truck and equipment had been seized by “only about 5” pro-life protesters outside an abortion clinic, after some of their number had set fire to a half dozen police cars.

Somehow I doubt she and her Twitter fans would’ve been quite so sanguine about all that.

Anyhow, a fellow reporter from evil, right-wing competitor Sun News took Brown to the RCMP to file an official complaint.

That reporter, the Sun’s Kris Sims, was threatened by Indians too.

That went a little differently…

Don’t panic, though.

Ace Global News reporter Laura Brown wants you to know that the nice Indians were really truly super duper sorry for everything that happened.

They gave her Global’s equipment back… after a few hours.

They were so nice!

They even invited her to one of their meetings and gave her a hug and everything!

I wonder if they gave her an “Indian name,” too?

Maybe “Reports With Bias”?

( I see the MicMac Dictionary doesn’t have a word for “Stockholm Syndrome.”)

(Of course, it doesn’t have a word for “wheel,” either, so…)

Everyone welcomed the media in peacefully. Felt very welcome. @Global_NB #nb

— Laura Brown (@01LBrown) October 20, 2013

I bet Brown’s subsequent reports from this active crime scene will be even more fair and accurate than they were before!

Beautiful apology given to myself and @DavidBellCTV by community members. Deeply touched, beyond words.

— Laura Brown (@01LBrown) October 20, 2013

After leaving the meeting, Brown noticed something very special that she wanted to share with us all.

I almost wish I could confess that this was my idea of a joke, but my Photoshop skills are non-existent.

This is her actual tweet:

Rainbow as I get ready to leave #rexton. Beautiful. #nb pic.twitter.com/llXX7TmGxx

— Laura Brown (@01LBrown) October 20, 2013

All that’s missing is the unicorn!

Don’t worry, Canada. Sun News didn’t need that stupid CRTC license anyhow.

As you can see, the nation’s legacy broadcast news media is in great hands!

Global News should go all out and just hire this dude: