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Bad Advice: Stop Trying To Be Friends with People

This week's Bad Advice tackles charity friendships.

by
Hannah Sternberg

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July 10, 2013 - 7:00 am
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Submit your questions to PJMBadAdvice@gmail.com or leave a question in the comments section, and I’ll answer it in Bad Advice!

Sad-man-in-Cubicle

Dear Bad Advice,

I have a coworker that I can tell is not doing well. Her work performance is fine, and I never have anything to complain about there. But I can tell she must be going through a rough patch in her life. She looks haggard and doesn’t seem to put as much care into her hair and dress as she used to. She doesn’t look happy and she’s gone frequently (for scheduled absences). I heard a rumor she might be seriously ill with something chronic. She’s single and lives alone, far away from the rest of her family. I get sad thinking she doesn’t have anyone to take care of her. But I don’t know how to approach her to offer help. I want her to know I’m here to listen, too, but I don’t know how to tell her that. We’ve worked together for years and never been close. What should I do?

- Concerned in the Cubicle

This is going to sound like bad advice, but don’t try too hard to be nice to this person.

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All Comments   (2)
All Comments   (2)
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I befriended a whiny, needy woman at church because everyone avoided her,and I didn't know why. Classic charity friendship, here,and I didn't even feel the need to have her for a friend, I just was uncomfortable with her being excluded socially. I soon found out why that was why others WERE excluding her. Once I got to know her, she proved to be even MORE whiny and needy than she first appeared, and what is infinitely worse, considering I was her ONLY friend, she had an affair with my husband (her new boss), which ended our 24 year marriage.
So,I will NEVER EVER befriend ANY other woman out of sheer pity. If they are hurting,too darn bad. In fact, ever since then, I have held other women at a deliberate arms' length,especially since my current husband is about a hundred times the man that my ex husband was.
39 weeks ago
39 weeks ago Link To Comment
This is good advice. Don't be friend to a stick in the mud. Perhaps they need to be pounded in the mud with a hammer figure of speech before they emerge as trustworthy.
This is what I find in marrying my 5th wife ,the Harlot of Babylon and keep her away from my other 4 wives and now the mighty angels have chained her to the bed. It could be worse for her or me. But this is about me not her. Imagine the great misery of King Solomon stuck with 300 wives marriage to save his Kingdom from the blood thirsty pagan tribes looking to cut off more heads?
So my life is cake walk compared to his misery and now let me turn my attention to the harlot of Babylon who is now my 5th wife. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen her lips dripping with honey but with this great stain of people pleasing , man pleasing on her lips with months inspection being chained to the bed by the mighty angels make her lips drip with honey only for me
Then she allowed to rub elbows for my 4 holy wives to help her see what I expect from her and never ever go through the misery of poor King Solomon
more latter
40 weeks ago
40 weeks ago Link To Comment
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