5 Secret Conservative Messages Hidden in Angry Birds
Can anyone tell me the difference between playing Angry Birds and getting hooked on methamphetamines? Okay, I guess with Angry Birds you don’t lose your teeth. And you don’t have to sell your body to keep up the supply. In fact, after the nice Angry Bird people sell you the app for around five bucks, they periodically stock it with new levels for free. Try to get your meth supplier to give you a deal like that!
But has anyone besides me ever tried to give this thing up? It’s virtually impossible. Fortunately, however, playing teaches you a ton of conservative virtues. That’s what I tell my wife anyway. Because she thinks I’m just, you know, goofing off.
But here’s a few of the things you can learn flipping birds at pigs:
1. It’s not nice to steal what other people produce. The pigs are the villains because they take the birds’ eggs. Could the symbolism be any clearer? Pigs = Government. Eggs = The Productions of the Productive. Ayn Rand couldn’t have said it better — except maybe in her brilliant scene where a boomerang myna bird flies backwards into a beach ball.
2. When in doubt, turn to the wisdom of those who’ve gone before. If you want to score three stars on every level and pick up the golden eggs, sooner or later, you’re going to have to consult YouTube. It’s what we Angry Birders have instead of the Federalist Papers.
3. Doing the same thing over and over will produce the same results. In the immortal words of the exploding blackbird: “Don’t just keep hurling the same bird at the same spot. What doesn’t work doesn’t work. It’s exactly like socialism because… KA-BOOM!” The guy never finishes a sentence.
4. Destroy the foundation and everything else collapses. Clearly a veiled reference to the Obama administration’s repeated unconstitutional usurpations of power and its disregard for American practice and tradition. Also a good technique for getting a series of traffic cones to topple a wooden beam bringing down a stone castle.
5. The anchors of the network news media have degenerated into dishonorable liars. I think this is obvious. Just stop playing Angry Birds for a few minutes and watch their shows.
Well, I could go on, but I have to get back to work. A group of pigs (government) has stolen the eggs (money) from some birds (productive citizens) and I have to start hurling bodies at them in order to bring down their elaborate but essentially useless structures and restore the land to liberty.
Once you start, you just can’t stop!
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Cross-posted from Klavan on the Culture.
Related at PJ Lifestyle:
Thanks, now I have an excuse (or five) to download more Angry Bird seasons.
For starters it shouldn’t cost you $5 to get Angry Birds, unless you’re a sucker and bought all versions of them.
Second I was going to say you’d have to stretch (pun intended) logic to find a conservative meaning in Angry Birds but maybe you’re onto something. When the piggies took the birds’ eggs the birds didn’t negotiate with the pigs or try diplomacy. Instead, they got angry and declared war on them to get their eggs back. That, at its core, is a conservative principle.
Hmm, there’s also a lesson in there for the Israelis with the Palestinians as well but that stretches logic too much.
Declaring war rather than using diplomacy is a conservative principle? That’s just …. wrong and weird. But I expect that you believe the Israelis are the mean, vengeful pigs who abuse the peaceful, fun-loving, angry-bird Palestinians, am I right? Seriously, try *not* to be a walking sterotype of liberal silliness.
“Declaring war rather than using diplomacy is a conservative principle?”
Yes. It used to a liberal principle as well seeing as how Wilson, Roosevelt, Truman, Kennedy, Johnson and Clinton used it as well. Even Obama used it when invading Libya but he called that “kinetic military action”. The point that it seems you and Logic missed is that war is necessary when it is the most feasible option in dealing with an enemy that does not wish to use diplomacy. Thus my comment about the Israelis and Palestinians: You name me one other country that has given land to their enemy in the name of diplomacy and peace and instead was rewarded with more hostile action and continued to take it.
But maybe you are the liberal stereotype or a Paulite, Not Chris. I don’t know. You straight went to calling Jews pigs which must have gotten your goat. Pun intended.
@Logic: It seems you don’t understand your own name nor do you understand what truth is either. But this is the age of Obama so what do I know?
Do we normally negotiate with people who stole our stuff, in an effort to recover it?
That would be like paying hostage-takers to get hostages back – it ultimately leads to more kidnappings.
In this case, the birds are quite right to seek revenge, and would be wrong if they attempted diplomacy.
The case of Israel and the Palestinians is different because you can say both sides have had a reasonable claim to the land. Therefore, compromise makes sense if an agreement could be successfully brokered. However, the politics on the Palestinian side make this impossible and every effort to reach agreement has ended in catastrophic failure.
D
Since you seem not to understand me, please refrain from invoking me. My friend “truth” wants you to do likewise.
And when you fail to bring down the pigs’ edifice, they just laugh at you….
6. (perhaps) keep it simple and don’t overthink. that is why I turn to the 10 and under kids to get me past a level that I am stuck on.
To misquote Groucho Marx
“This problem is so simple even a five year old could solve it. Now somebody get me a five year old.”
I am stuck on the space version now.
re: Chris.
The pigs have already been eliminated there. Can’t find a single one in the whole place. I hear there is a restaurant in tel aviv where you can get pork but those are imported.
Birds vs birds. That would make a whole new game idea. Already the zionists are in control of the bird community as evidenced by Mossad spy birds captured in Saudi Arabia, Turkey, and Sudan (want the links?). The Jews have made the mistake of tagging the migratory birds linking them to universities in Israel with actual Hebrew letters in some kind of code. Ornithologists everywhere are mystified as to the purpose of the plastic bands.
Contrast this with the Progressive/Socialist Cut the Rope, where you are required to feed the demanding (just look at his face when you fail) but compassion-inducing little Om Nom candy he neither produced nor earned. The more you succeed, the more difficult it becomes to continue depositing the candy in Om Nom’s mouth (just as it becomes increasingly difficult to support a continuous welfare state and entitlement class), but you are met with tear-jerking cuteness and demands to continue delivering your candy to the able-bodied (he jumps around and does back flips!) Om Nom who makes a move neither to acquire his own candy (what incentive would he have?) or even make your job a little easier (Really, Om Nom? Not one step to the side that time?).
One of my non-political friends, upon deleting the app on one of the final levels said it best, “I’m not playing this anymore…Om Nom is just a mooch!”
Loopiness!! WHy don’t the “Pigs” equal big corporations Stealing tax dollars, stealing hours from workers who work for less and less each year?) Why do we hate the government so much and not have a problem with the Big Business who are buying our government for their own gain? Since when is selfishness a positive or even conservative value? (should I get my 7 year old off the game asap?) We live in a community of others, right? Or are you all so dark, injured and sick that you think your everyman for himself should be passed on to our kids? No wonder our injured kids are so into guns and violence gunning down kids in an elementary school!! Yea, go ahead ignore my comments.
Following this logic, the pigs could represent corporate greed and the birds represent the masses rising up to intiate a socialist uprising. Now I expect to be characterized negatively, but I’m just saying, the arguement on both sides start to sound very similar.
“Following this logic, the pigs could represent corporate greed and the birds represent the masses rising up to intiate a socialist uprising.”
When was the last time a “socialist uprising” worked towards the betterment for the “masses”? Your logic fails.
By the way I am ceased to be amazed at people who lambast “corporate greed” but will flip on a dime to defend government demanding to take more of the “masses’” money to fund its ever-bloating, ever-failing programs.
Again, your logic fails.
You assume that I believe what it wrote. Apparently you missed the sarcasm of my post. Finding a political message of any kind in a silly mind numbing game is ridiculous whether is comes from the right or the left.
Yeah, it’s so silly that you wasted your time responding to such a topic. And it didn’t read to sarcastically and it read as though you believed what you wrote.
Again, your logic fails.
A strong case could be made that the Angry Birds foreshadowed the Republicans duking it out for the primary a year ago:
Red bird: Small, constant, not strong, but the clear leader: Romney
Black bird: Explosive–you only hope he explodes at the right time: Gingrich
Blue bird: Good icebreaker, but three-faced: Huntsman
Yellow bird: Fast, tends to overshoot the mark: Cain
White bird: Dull, but drops bombs: Pawlenty
Green bird: Strong, but often flies backward: Paul
Big red bird: Potent, limited range: Perry
Pink bird: Pretty, good to have on the team, blows bubbles: Bachmann
Orange bird: Dangerous when puffed up: Santorum
Mighty Eagle: Destroys all in its path–not available for this game: Reagan
But the pigs won.
Never played the game, but from a superficial glance, I see haram infidels (pigs) stealing from noble Muslims (birds)who are driven into a state of perpetual anger and spend all their energy in suicidal attacks on the edifices of the infidel hegemony.
What I absolute dislike about the pigs (I think it’s in the space version) is not that they laugh at you (and the birds) when you fail.. no, it’s they are happy and unworried as long as they are not being hit: no matter if the green comrade, neighbor or friend has fallen in a bird carpet bombing. The pigs are degenerated just for that.
The birds, on the other hand, don’t show joy but they are united by their cause: retake their stolen eggs. They only celebrate at the end.
Pigs just steal and don’t care about safety of other pigs, they don’t have a common cause, they just have petty biological urgencies. A pig will laugh because his neighbor-and not him, is dead.