Sex Therapy on the Rise
I saw on Drudge that sex therapy with the use of surrogates is on the rise:
MIAMI (CBS4) – Sex therapists in South Florida say they are seeing an increasing number of patients using sexual surrogates to overcome intimacy and performance problems.
A sex surrogate is a licensed counselor who works with single people suffering from sexual problems to overcome their issues, often by serving as a surrogate to allow them to practice overcoming the sexual issue they are trying to overcome….
Dr. Sonjia Kenya said sexual surrogates working with patients in South Florida are helping adults with autism, wounded warriors, and mid-life virgins.
“They’re professional and successful in every other capacity of their life, but they’ve never hugged anyone intimately, or been massaged without all of their clothes off or walked down the street holding someone’s hand,” Kenya said.
Sessions with a surrogate range from learning to flirt, hold hands, and touch to full blown sexual intercourse.
I am not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, it is beneficial for those with crippling fear or a lack of social skills to learn how to feel safe with a sex surrogate, on the other, this practice has the potential to harm. What is your take on sexual surrogates?
Ah, they’re not call girls, they’re “sexual surrogates”. And besides the fact that one is illegal and one pays better, what is the difference? No pimp?
That was my thought. This is high brow prostitution.
Yup.
Considering that most prostitutes, especially the more expensive ones, actually don’t seem to have pimps but work for themselves, and sexual surrogates can get customers through other types of therapists, not even that. Just one way to practice that profession in a manner which won’t get you in jail.
Personally, I would prefer if even good old fashioned prostitution was legal. It’s one of those things which won’t go away no matter how many laws are made against it, and besides, I don’t really get why intimate relations between two consenting adults should suddenly become a crime if money is involved. It’s one of those things which tie up money and resources which would be better used in dealing with actual serious crimes. Whether it’s moral or not is another thing, but it’s something that is probably a way bigger problem when it is illegal than it would be if it was legal.
Very much against God’s law, fornicating with a surrogate so that you may learn how to fornicate better in the world. This is mortal sin.
The female surrogates are no doubt contracepting. Also a mortal sin.
Sexuality has been rent from marriage and procreation, and human beings are treating thmselves and others like beasts. This is the same attitude which produces the killing of the unborn, the elderly, and the sick, the indulgence of every vice, whim, and impulse.
This is evil. We are on a path towards unspeakable horrors if this keeps up.
While I’m also of the religious mindset, we have to acknowledge that not everybody is religious.
But, there are psychological reasons not only for abstinence but for commitment. One such argument is that “making love” almost literally “makes love.” Sex creates a bond between willing partners, and it creates a pseudo-emotional effect that is similar to romantic attraction. This bond isn’t necessarily permanent, but the old saying “you never forget your first” stems from this type of psychological attachment. This leads to an argument for abstinence, or at least abstaining until emotional needs are met, so that the sex will not end up being something you do “just because.” This argument goes much deeper than this, but that’s the short and sweet version.
Speaking of emotional needs, today’s populace largely avoids them. They substitute sex in the place of emotional necessity and actually think it’s a viable substitute. It isn’t. Sex, despite the psychological attachment it often creates, is more or less just an act of lust. In a relationship, it can definitely strengthen a bond, but a weak bond won’t be made much stronger. A REAL emotional connection needs to exist first for sex to provide any true emotional necessities within a relationship. All too often these days, however, people go from first date to fourth base in one night. And people wonder why young couples rarely survive; they’re not making emotional progress. They just have sex and hope their emotional needs go away!
The human race is quickly becoming more and more obsessed with sex, and less and less interested in emotions. I feel these “sexual surrogates” are just further evidence of this.
Anywho, just providing a more widely agreeable version of what you said. It’s weird how the word of old religions tend to ring true, yet people the world round shun the words simply because they all say one thing: “You can’t.” Or maybe more specifically, “thou shalt not.”
I know a sex therapist who works with surrogates. He told me that his clients include Orthodox Jewish men who marry well into adulthood without sexual experience, can’t perform sexually and seek therapy for the legitimate reason that they need help in fulfilling their marital obligations.
That makes sense in a way. Men seem to have an organic developmental window for their sexual debut which opens in their mid teens and closes by their early 20′s. (According to surveys of Americans’ sexuality, the median age for the sexual debut falls around 17.) Men who miss this window and try to start later often discover that the equipment doesn’t know how to work properly – really a matter of the absence of conditioned responses like you read about in any introductory college psychology textbook.
I remember reading somewhere long ago that if a male chimpanzee lives to the age of three without mating, it is nearly impossible to train him to copulate. I can’t imagine a 40- or 50-year old male virgin. The very prospect of sex must be terrifying.
Why is this limited to single people? And “people” my eye–I’ll bet all the clients are men and all the surrogates women. Why can’t married men get some help? It’s we who have the most trouble with sex, or the lack thereof.
BTW, anyone else remember LA Law in the 80′s, when Brackman went to a sex surrogate because he got gassy whenever he was in a sexual situation?
Why, didn’t they have Beano back then?
Not discounting your point, but the reason the clients are probably all men and the surrogates women is because the women can fake it if they have sex issues and I suspect they are far less likely to have intimacy issues as well.
Having said that its basically high brow prositution.
What happens when the patient becomes emotionally attached to the surrogate? If they don’t become emotionally attached then are they really learning to have a healthy sense of sexuality? It seems either way the outcome is unhealthy.
From what I have read on the subject, it would appear that the lessons are limited to a certain number (per woman) to preclude any attachment happening.
I agree. A healthy sex life needs emotional intimacy, not just some explosive climax. This is little better than legal prostitution.
purely off-topic: have you seen this month’s Glamour magazine. Two separate articles that are pro-marriage, pro-baby. I’ve never seen a single article that is pro-marriage, pro-baby in Glamour, ever.
One article covers what changes when you marry. They quote young marrieds- twentysomethings.
The other article was by a woman who ditched her Michael Cera-type boyfriend who told her how he planned to stay home after she had their baby, while she worked for a ranch owner, unapologetic cowboy manly-man.
The women of the year, were, of course- Sandra Fluke, Justice Ginsburg, and Lena Dunham, but….
long skirts, and articles about marriage and manly men?
What’s your take on this?
Wow that’s very intriguing! I may have to go see those articles for myself. My guess is that their target demographic, which is women aged 18-49, are experiencing these situations. I know many twenty-somethings are out-earning their husbands and boyfriends. Many want to have kids earlier rather than later because they see the infertility issues their mothers and aunts had from waiting too long. They want it all and some won’t tolerate men who won’t support that.
Next generation playground insults: “your mother is a sexual surrogate!”.
While it is not without its potential problems, I believe Sex Surrogacy is a good idea in some situations. It can be argued that Sex Surrogacy is no different to prostitution yet not only is there a world of difference between the two, at least the former would be qualified to deal with the sexual problems people suffer from compared to the latter and also be a sign of compassion for those on the left side of the sexual appeal curve that are left behind in today’s world along the lines of the role chastity once played a generation or two ago.
Some lament the removal of the sacredness in the act of sex, yet sex itself has already lost its sacredness in the past half-century + where via the sexual revolution all the checks and balances on women’s darker impulses have been unleashed to the detriment of society (with “Free Love” aka “theoretical sexual communism / equality” ending up reinforcing the mother of all hierarchical constructs – “sexual hierarchy”). Whatever the case contrary to popular belief, sex is not free and one pays even when it is apparently free for those on the right side of the sexual appeal curve.
Think about it this way, nowadays sexual inexperience is looked down upon harshly by most people not necessarily because the latter believe the sexually inexperienced are naively holding on to deeply held principles but because in some respects the sexually inexperienced in this day and age are viewed as undeveloped / inept / immature, vulnerable to manipulation by unscrupulous people who unashamedly use their sexuality to get what they want or simply defective in a similar matter to a carrousel-riding sexually experienced woman with “TCS” (for lack of a better term) but at the other end of the spectrum in which the sexually inexperienced (outside of Sex Surrogacy) are viewed as potentially becoming too easily emotionally attached.
I simply cannot agree with this reasoning. It echoes way too much with the “if all your friends are jumping off of a bridge…” argument. This is our problem today, people are lemmings and they have no sense of individualism. Worse still, as I said in another reply, we’re placing way too much emphasis on sex today. I won’t deny it’s natural, but it’s not all there is in life.
Intrigue about sex, and wanting sex, is totally normal. But our society is making it seem like the greatest high. As if it’s THE most important thing on Earth. If you don’t have sex, well then you’re a loser! “What? You’d rather stay home and further your career, improve relations with your friends and take joy in your livelihood than come to this party with a bunch of loose girls? Pfft, you’re a loser!” It’s disgusting how highly we place sex on a list of “accomplishments,” so much so that we now have these sex surrogates.
I simply can’t buy an argument that effectively says “well, the window’s already cracked. May as well shatter it.” That’s defeatist talk. The answer isn’t to give in, the answer is to give reasons to NOT give in.
The appeal curve in sex has always been lopsided. We got along fine without it before, why do we suddenly need this nonsense now?
On another note, whatever happened to the simple premise of “listen to your partner?”
I agree that society has become oversaturated with sex and that there is more to life than sex, however not everyone has benefited from it and while one can understand that quite a few of the sexually inexperienced do so out of principle at the same time a significant number of those whose sexual inexperienced is for whatever reason involuntary can benefit from Sex Surrogacy to remedy being emotionally impaired in order to better prepare them to deal with the harsh world of modern relationships / marriage (that from Dr Smith’s articles along the Manosphere, etc in general is not all sunshine and roses).
“The appeal curve in sex has always been lopsided. We got along fine without it before, why do we suddenly need this nonsense now?
On another note, whatever happened to the simple premise of “listen to your partner?” ”
Many people who suffer from sexual dysfunctions find themselves single due to their dysfunction and thus unable to work on the problem hands-on short of going to a Sex Surrogate (who unlike a Prostitute would be qualified to deal with their issues).
For those whose Sexual Inexperience is out of principle yeah they got on fine without it, yet for better or worse that era has gone for the most part and while again sex is not everything, for those in today’s world who are not fine without it and feel stunted on a developmental level, Sex Surrogacy can be a lifesaver that for some not only reaffirms their humanity (if they are disabled or suffering from trauma i.e. abuse, etc) but also allows them to get on with their lives.
While I support Sex Surrogacy, it is only in certain contexts due to its societal value for those that could benefit from it and not unconditionally.
Is it covered as a medical expense under Obamacare?
If it’s not just wait until the legal profession finds that out. Lawsuits in every state.
No doubt!
I wonder if Blue Cross covers this? Will HHS allow this form of “therapy” to be covered under ObamaCare? Can one imagine how a wife might react when her hubby says he must get therapy?
The men who need this sort of help really do need it. It’s not prostitution, exactly. A prostitute is more likely to make fun of an inexperienced man.
I worked at a bar as a stripper. Some of my clients were 40 year old virgins. They really were different than other men. They were damp, more like little boys, than dry like men. They didn’t have muscle-tone. They didn’t seem to inhabit their own bodies.
Honestly, the first step was usually to tell them to join their company’s softball team. They were worried about performance, measuring up, relating to people, even on something like “go play softball and then possibly get a drink afterwards.” They didn’t know if they’d get made fun of, if they only wanted a soft-drink. I had to coach them through saying they only wanted a Coke.
Then, they got coached through taking a class near a girl- Arthur Murray. Then, past that they made choices. One guy went to Vegas to get laid. One guy chose to remain celibate. One guy asked a girl out. I didn’t see him again, so I’m assuming all went well.
There are intimacy issues. There are financial issues- they wonder why they cannot buy intimacy and compliance, for instance. They wonder why they have to do awkward things- baseball, dancing, listening. They wonder what signals they aren’t putting out, or receiving.
We have coaches for manners. We have physical fitness coaches. We have psychiatrists. Honestly, it’s in that spectrum- asking a stranger to help you grow up, so that you can function in the world.
As a stripper, I could have kept them as clients for years. Some of them were clients for years. I had to choose to believe that helping them grow up, and have them grow away from depending on me, would eventually rebound to me in karmic pay-back.
Sounds like you were a sex therapist without a degree. I agree, some men need someone non-judgmental to help them take baby steps toward a relationship. As a woman who has worked with mostly men, I’ve had a few co-worker friends who fell into this category.
Helen, What do you think is behind this general cultural obsession with sex? Children just out of potty training are being taught about gay and straight sex in school. Little girls dressed up as sluts. Movies & plays, advertising & TV commercials, magazine articles and books, books, books. Advice columns your husband likes are about all sorts of weird sex sex sex.
Could this be associated with the current obsession with food? Bodily functions rule!